Forever Ours
by wildflower0310
Summary: More struggles are up ahead for Jacob and Nessie. And the struggles are enough for the two to throw in the towel and call it quits. Can they save what has been broken? By the looks of it, forever does seems hard to reach. Like always there is many many things that try to tear them apart. Can Nessie and Jacob save what has been destroyed and handle the danger that comes their way?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Nessie's pov

When Romeo thought Juliet was dead, he rushed to his grave carrying the poison that would take his life away. He wasn't going to live without his Juliet. He would rather die than live on this her without her.

When Juliet woke up from her slumber, she saw her Romeo lying on the floor dead. She was beyond heartbroken. Like Romeo, Juliet wasn't going to live without her husband. She grabbed Romeo's knife from his sheath and stabbed it in her own heart. She wouldn't live without her precious Romeo. She refused to be with someone who she didn't love. She chose her own life than the one her parents had set for her.

Both of them chose _love _anything else. I wish I could be like that.

I wonder if Romeo was scared. I wonder if the small bottle of poison weighed a thousand pounds of lead in his pocket. I wonder if his hands were shaking as he put the cup to his mouth. I wonder if he hoped that all of this was a nightmare and he would wake up with his Juliet right beside him.

I wonder as he was dying did he have any images of what could have been. Did he think about him and Juliet running off, moving to a far off town, raising a family in a quite little city? Or did he hope that he would be able to see his Juliet again at all?

I wonder how bad Juliet's hands were shaking when she grabbed Romeo's knife. Was she afraid? Did she think that everything would be okay? Did she second guess herself? Did she think that she made the right decision by choosing love?

"Vanessa? Vanessa, are you alright?" An English voice asked.

I snapped back into reality, realizing I was sitting in a restaurant with Henry.

I've been living in England for the past month. I started going by my atlas name Vanessa Wolfe. One: because I didn't want people asking what my true name was. Two: new life, new name. Three: if I went with another name, maybe the Volturi wouldn't come after me. Can't a girl hope?

I met Henry about two weeks after I moved to England. I met him at a local bookstore here in London. He was twenty-five and is mastering in literature at a local college.

The reason why I moved to London was because I couldn't go to anywhere that brought up any painful memories of…Jacob.

I think about him all the time. Of how I broke his heart. Doing that was a big mistake but I couldn't go back. I screwed up things with him and there's no way I can make it up to him.

I've made my bed. I have to lay in it now.

"Vanessa?" Henry asked again.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being rude." I blushed.

"No. You just seem deep in thought. Are you okay?" he asked, taking my hand.

I liked Henry. But I knew I couldn't be with him. He was full human. I was part vampire. I could easily kill him and suck his blood. Eventually he would get old and gray while I was still young and beautiful. He'll die while I have forever.

"Yeah, I'm just…thinking." That wasn't a total lie.

"About…" Henry prompted.

"Do you think Romeo and Juliet regretted choosing love?" I blurted, swirling my drink around my glass.

"Um…is that a trick question?" he asked, running his hands through his dirty blonde hair. The gesture easily reminded me of Jake when he was trying to stay calm or think things over.

"I don't think it is."

"Well, they _are _fictional characters. But I would like to think they didn't. Romeo thought that his beloved wife was dead and he didn't want to live without her. Juliet didn't want to live without her husband." he answered.

"Do you think that if they just accepted the fact that they couldn't be together they would be okay?"

"That, Miss Wolfe, I have to disagree with you. I believe fate brought the two love birds together. My personal opinion, I think that if Romeo and Juliet didn't kill themselves, the Capulets and the Montegues would still have continued to bicker and argue." Henry said.

I didn't get the answer I wanted. The answer I needed. Henry wouldn't understand my world. He probably would think that I was crazy. He wouldn't understand the Volturi, or my family, or the wolf pack, or imprinting. He wouldn't understand that I cheated on my imprinter. The guy who loved me fully and throughout with someone who he trusted. He wouldn't understand that I told Jacob I hated him. That I would never want him. That I lied to him when I said that I would love and want him one-hundred percent.

I think about Jacob everyday. And, I hate to admit it, but I also think about Kaleb often too. Call me crazy if you want to, but I swear sometimes I see their faces merge together.

"I wish I could be like that." I wondered out loud.

"Killing yourself?" Henry asked.

"No. Making decisions based on my heart. Choosing love over mind." I answered. I wished I didn't have two men that didn't have my heart. I knew if I picked one over the other, I would hurt one of them.

But that's why I left. So I _won't _have to hurt both of them. But I did. I hurt Jacob _and _Kaleb.

I've thought about going back but I knew it would only make it worse. I've left destruction that can't be fixed.

"You have beautiful eyes." Henry said, taking on of my ringlet curls and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger.

By his thoughts, he like me. A lot. But I couldn't take it too far. He couldn't handle my world. He couldn't love me as much as the two stubborn men in Washington loved me. I didn't love him enough to spend the rest of his human life with. Henry was just somebody to take my mind off of things.

"Thank you." I said with as much flirt as I could muster up.

The rest of the night was okay. We danced, partied, and I tired to forget everything. It was hard not too but I had to try. I got what I wanted. What I wanted was a normal human life. It is time I deal with it.

"It's getting late." I told Henry hours after our Romeo and Juliet conversation. I wanted time to myself and I knew I couldn't get it here.

"I'll drive you home." he said.

"No. I'll walk. I need to clear my head anyway." I answered. I could probably get home faster than his car would. Plus he didn't look to be fit with driving and I didn't feel like being the designated driver.

Before I left, I decided to give Henry one thing I never gave him since I met him.

I grabbed his shirt and crashed my lips onto his. It didn't mean anything. I didn't have the hunger and pain of wanting more. Just thought it would be playing the part.

"I had a good time tonight." I said with a flirtatious voice, grazing my fingernails over his jawbone. Who said a girl can't have fun?

I walked out laughing. It seemed like it has been forever since I've left a guy dumbfounded.

It seemed a while since I actually laughed.

I don't know why I keep thinking about Romeo and Juliet. I think anybody who has truly loved somebody would understand what they went through. They would find the unanswered questions and pondered on them. They would relate to Romeo or Juliet's problems with their own.

My parents sort of understood what Romeo and Juliet went through. Momma was broken hearted when she found out that Daddy didn't want her. She went into a depression only Jacob could get her halfway out of. But it was my father who made her heart whole again. Her true love.

When Daddy thought Momma was dead, he didn't want to live without her. It was funny how he said he didn't like Romeo but only respected him for what he did. I think my father has a new respect to him now.

I've made plenty of recent mistakes. I fell in love with Kaleb. If you want to call that a mistake. I do. I lied and hid secrets from Jacob. I said horrible things to him. Now I've said things to my family that broke their hearts.

A few days ago I called my parents to wish them a happy anniversary. I was able to speak to all of them. They said one thing that set me off. My fuse blew and I started yelling at them. I told them how they never let me have a normal life, how it was their fault I left Jacob, that they made me run to Kaleb. I yelled at them that it was my life and I could do what I wanted with it. I didn't want them breathing down my neck and watching my every move. I told them that I hated them. That I wanted them to stay out of my life. I said I never wanted to see them again.

I screwed up by cutting my family out. I broke up with Jacob, and I hate to admit this, but I still have contact with Kaleb. Only, he doesn't know where I was at. I think the only one that knows is my family.

I guess I need to start being careful for what I wish for.

I don't know if I regret doing this. I haven't thought about it that far yet. Yeah, I regret saying mean and horrible things to my family and Jacob, but do I regret leaving the only home I ever known? I don't really know. I don't think I've been away from everything to regret leaving.

I wanted to know how Jake was going. I knew it would be hard on him, but I still wanted to know. Part of me wanted to pick up the phone and called him. But I knew if I hung up it would kill him even more.

Deep down I still loved Jacob. There! I've admitted it! But I wanted a life with no worries, and being with Jacob I wouldn't be able to have that. I can't have both Jacob and a normal life.

I guess you can say…I'm comfortable. I'm fine with everything shockingly. I wouldn't go as far as saying I was happy. I don't think I could ever be happy but it'll do.

I walked to my uptown apartment building. It was more for the classier people who were newlyweds just starting out, parents who has children in private school, or just for old people.

I walked up to my number-which was all the way at the top-and unlocked the door, walking in.

Everything was white. To me, it needed a lot of color, but it was new and I was desperate. The living room and kitchen was set like a typical apartment. Big living room, small kitchen. It was nice. Comfortable.

It had one medium sized bedroom, and one large bathroom. I thought I was kind of cool.

One side of the living room wall was a floor to ceiling glass wall. It had a beautiful view of the city and was gorgeous at sunrises and sunsets. It reminds me a lot of my home at Forks.

I didn't know how long I could be "Vanessa Wolfe" here. I don't know where I was going after this, or what I was going to do. Would I go back to "Renesmee Cullen?" Or would a pick up a new fake name?

I leaned against the glass, pressing my forehead to it and closed my eyes. I have no clue how I'm going to do this. I have no clue what my next move will be.

I feel like my life is a chess game and everybody is watching me to see what my next move will be. My opponent is laughing because it knows my every move will be wrong.

I felt tears threaten to come down behind my closed eyes. No. I can't-won't cry. I can't cry anymore. I've made my decisions. I'm stuck with them. I can't turn around and make things better.

I just have to move on.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Don't worry. It's not.

I was snapped back into the real world when my phone began to ring.

"Hello?" I answered, choking back tears. There is one thing I miss: projecting my thoughts.

"Hey, Gorgeous." I heard Kaleb say.

Part of me was excited to hear his voice, but the other part was disappointed that it wasn't Jacob calling me gorgeous. At least he didn't call me "beautiful" or the tears will really be coming down now.

"Hey." I said meekly.

"How's whatever country you're in?" Kaleb asked with a laugh.

"Good." I answered.

"Can you tell me where you're at? I might want to visit you sometime."

I wasn't sure if I could tell him. It's not that I couldn't trust him. I do. It's just that I'm scared what Jake would do if he found out.

"Kabe…"

"I know. You're worried Jacob'll take you away from your safe haven."

"Does he know?" I had to ask. It was killing me not to know.

"Yeah. Kyle spilled the beans about everything the day you left. He also mentioned that you loved me too." Kaleb said with a hint of pride as he said the last part.

Wait-Jake knows?!

"WHAT!" I shouted, "That-that must have killed him! Di-did you tell him about…you know."

"Yes." he answered.

"KALEB!" I knew it was going to hurt Jacob even more if he knew that. I took out his heart and now he was probably a zombie!

"Ness, I had to. At first he sent a threat saying it would be best for me to stay away from him. A few days later he's ripping my face off, commanding me to tell him everything that went on between you and I." Kaleb said. I didn't answer because I knew there was more to come. "The bad thing is though, he did it when we were in wolf form."

The breath was knocked out of me and I slid to the ground. Jacob saw every little detail. Not only him but the whole pack too!

"He saw everything." I managed to say.

All of a sudden the room felt cold to me. I was shaky, sick with the feeling of regret. I knew deep down I still had feelings for Jacob. I always will. He was my first love. I couldn't change that no matter how much I told everybody that I didn't love Jacob. He was easy to fall in love with.

"'Fraid so." Kaleb aswered. "But Nessie, you had a choice in this. No matter how much you think that you're not going to choose between me and Jake, you still chose me. You know I could give you the life Jacob can't. He's stuck to the pack. I'm not. You know I can give you a life where you have the free will to choose; but please tell me where you're at and we can start that life together." he begged.

I didn't want to tell him so I managed to change the subject. "Speaking of Jake, how is he?"

"He's not great, Ness. He's…lifeless. It's like when you left, you took everything that he needed to live off of with you. He won't sleep, won't eat, keeps to himself as much as he can. He won't see anybody anymore. He snaps at every little thing. Paul won't even let Rachel to bring her son over for Jake to see him-" I couldn't take anymore. I hung up on him.

I let the phone slip out of my hands and onto the hardwood floor. Tears blurred my vision and I couldn't sit up straight. I laid down against the hardwood floor and let the tears come.

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why can't I just admit it to myself that I loved Jacob more than Kaleb.

Did I? I told Kaleb I wasn't going to choose between the two of them. Who could I talk too? Kaleb tries to convince me that I needed pick him. I've screwed my relationship with my mother so that's out of the picture.

The only person who truly understand me was: Jacob. He knew me. He knew me better than anybody else. He's the only person that would let me figure this out on my own but he'll still be there when I need advice. If I was happy so was he.

I've messed that up too.

Maybe if I just give in and call him…it might be good for both me and him.

No. It won't be. After I hung, we'll back off to where we started.

I was stuck between Jacob, Kaleb, and a life that I can enjoy without stress.

I was just…stuck. And the worse part is that I have no freaking clue how to get myself out of this mess. To get myself out of this tangled mess that I was stuck in for good.

I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed Kaleb. I missed Jacob.

That sick feeling I had is getting worse now. My stomach turned and was in knots.

I raised up quickly, putting my hand over my mouth. No. I can't get sick…or, maybe I can.

I made my way to the bathroom and threw up everything in my stomach. Which was mostly nothing.

After I was finished, I shut the lid and flushed the toilet. I zero energy to get up so I just stayed where I was so I just stayed there.

I stripped down to nothing and filled the bath tub with warm water, stepping into it. I let the water rise to my neck and I relaxed.

What could I do to make myself feel better about all this? I knew I was hurting both Kaleb and Jacob by shoving them away. I needed to choose one and hope the other would smile and know that I'm happy. I needed to know that both of them will support my decision on whatever I choose. That they would do anything to make me smile.

But the problem was which one do I choose. I love both of them. I know they will do anything to make me happy. But I knew Jake would be the only do anything to make me smile. He would be happy knowing I was.

Could I be happy with Kaleb? I think I could. But the downer was when I was with him, I thought about Jacob.

I screamed in aggravation and hit the side of the tub, making the whole room shake. I was fine with my decision until tonight. My stupid brain had to start thinking about Romeo and Juliet! I had to think on the idea of choosing love over everything else. Why do I have to think?

Stupid maturity!

My new vow is to not think about Jacob, Kaleb, my family. I'll stay in London for a while then I'll move on to my next destination. There's not much to think about that. I can go anywhere I please.

Except Volterra.

I got out and wrapped myself in a silk robe. I looked at myself in the mirror that was over the bathroom sink. My curls were all over the place and I didn't bother straightening them out. I looked hideous. Even with vampire beauty.

I walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. I climbed into the queen size bed and covered myself with the blankets as if I were in a cocoon. I've grown used to sleeping in a bed by myself. I've forgotten how it felt to have strong arms wrapped around me, nuzzling my ear as I drifted off into a peaceful sleep. I don't even think I know what a peaceful sleep is anymore.

I've grown so accustomed to be alone that it comes naturally now.

_~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~_

I stood there impatiently. Where was he? What was taking him so long here? I needed him to come. I don't know how long I had with him before everything faded away.

Before I slipped away.

I paced back and forth impatiently, waiting for his arrival. He always showed up right before everything started slipping away. He had to watch me slip away and I had to watch him loose me.

I heard running coming towards me and I smiled. He was here! He would finally see me!

"Renesmee." he said anxiously.

He waited anxiously to see me. He could read my mind and he knew something was wrong. He would know what to do.

I slowly turned around, afraid of what he would say. We didn't have time though to be afraid.

Like always, he wore white. But he's changed too. He wasn't the same. He looked more heartbroken. But his face came alive when he sees me.

My heartbeat quicken and I smiled. I was happy to see him. I've waited so long to see him.

I stared at his eyes. The eyes I loved so much; but he never came to me. I wanted him to come. I wanted him to wrap his strong arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay.

"_Look at me."_ I showed him. I knew he was afraid. That's why he was staring downward.

He moved his face up, looking at my eyes. He still didn't move.

I knew I had to say something to let him know it was going to be okay. "Come here." I said in a voice that carried like bells. He didn't move. "Don't be afraid. We only have a short amount of time."

He started walking over to me but stopped again. I looked at him short, confused.

He looked at me shocked and raised his hands as if to touch something. At first I thought he was reaching towards me so I stretched out my hand also. When I fully extended my hand, something blocked me. I could see him clearly but it was like there was an invincible barrier between us.

Out time was almost up. I could sense it. Pretty soon everything will fade away and we'll both slip into darkness.

He pressed his palms to it, looking at me shocked and upset. We both wanted to reach each other so bad it hurt.

Tears started to form my eyes. It always happens! We get so close being together then something stops us!

He started saying something but I couldn't hear him. It was like his mouth was moving but nothing was coming out.

I tried to speak, but no words came out. I tried to project my thoughts to him, but it was like I didn't have it at all.

He started beating on the barrier, shouting, but I still couldn't hear him.

I tried to do the same but it was no use. Our time together was about to end, but what scared me the most was how it _would _end.

My blood ran cold, and I knew our time was up. He knew it too.

Pain erupted throughout my body and I screamed in agony. I was finally able to hear his voice, but we weren't able to come close to each other.

He started banging on the barrier even more, trying to get to me.

I back up away from him and slid against a tree onto the forest floor.

"Renesmee!" he shouted, throwing himself against the barrier.

I gripped my stomach, praying the pain would go away. I needed him to be with me so that the pain would go away. I needed him to tell me it was going to be okay when I knew it wouldn't be.

I screamed until my voice gave out; but the tears kept coming. Why was it every time we get so close, we get separated? Why was it when I think everything is okay, then something rips us apart. Why can't I have a normal relationship without complications?

More pain hit and I bit my lips so bad, it drew blood. I didn't want him to see me going through this.

I looked at him again. He was crouched down looking at me. He knew my fate as much as I did.

My throat felt like it had a thousand pounds of lead and cement on it, cutting off my airway. I can hold my breath for a while, but not when something is trying to crush my throat.

I started clawing at my throat, trying to get the weight of it off. On the outside it looked like I was crazy, but to me, something was wrong.

I tried to get up but I was too weak to try. I decided to lay there useless.

I looked at him again as my body went numb. I couldn't move my lips to say anything, but I know he could see what I was wanting to say in my eyes.

He gave up on everything too. He only stared at me with tears streaming down his face.

My vision blurred and I knew we were done. There wasn't anything we could do to stop it.

Everything went white then I faded off into darkness…

My own screaming woke me up and I sat up abruptly, breathing heavy.

I looked around disoriented, seeing where I was at.

I was still in my apartment, not in the woods. I didn't have any pain in my stomach, nothing was on my throat cutting off my air.

I was safe. Well, as safe as my life could get. I have hundreds of years old vampires wanting me dead, I broke my fiancé's heart, and I love another. Totally normal for me, huh?

I noticed the covers were all tangled around me, and I was at an weird angle lying on the bed. Wasn't it typical for me to have a nightmare?

At first the dream was peaceful as it always was. But-as usual-it turns into something that leaves me wide awake until seven o'clock in the morning.

I couldn't let these dreams haunt me. I can't have any regrets about this. I can't think about this! I can't handle it!

As every memory flooded through my mind, it just made things worse.

I rushed to find my phone and ear buds, hoping music would help me fall back to sleep.

I scrolled though my songs until I gave up and just picked a random one. I blared it until I realized what song it was. _Please don't leave me_ by Pink. Not the song I need to hear.

I skipped to the next one, realizing it was _Can't Shake You_ by Gloriana. Nope. Not that one either.

After skipping through several songs, I found one that brought up no memories to this situation…until the chorus.

I found another one that hit me like a tone of bricks. It was kind of mine and Jacob's motto. Or if you want to put in a corny way, it was our song. It talked about how we wouldn't be able to live if we didn't have each other. Now we don't so I guess one of us is going to end up dead.

I ripped the ear buds out of my ear and threw the phone onto the bed.

I give up!

Tonight. Tonight I'll cry for what I had done. For what I am going to do.

I'm going to loose this chess game.

I brought my knees up to my chin, letting the tears come. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. And I will _not _think about everything. I will not think about my family, my friends, Kaleb, or Jacob. To them, I'm dead. Or a person that never existed.

When people compare me to my mother, they need to also look at my fathers actions and his mistakes.

Turns out I'm more like him than they thought I was.

_~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello all. I am sorry I didn't post an author's note at the first chapter, but it was kind of quick and I forgot. I have a deep feeling some of you will not like the decisions the characters make, so I am going to say it now: The decision's that they do make-bad or good-is all building blocks for some part in the book. They are also used as lessons. If most of you didn't like how it started off, please be patient. It will get better I promise. You have no clue how hard it was for me to put Nessie as a prideful, confused girl who doubts the decisions she makes, Kaleb as somebody with no remorse for what he's done, and poor Jacob being confused with all of the mess they are in. I am very excited for this story and I hope my readers are too. If you are confused, or if you want to express your opinion, please don't be afraid to tell me. I like how my readers post their opinions because there may be times when I might put them in my story- so be on the look out. Again, give this story the time and patience you have given my other two. I love you all and hope you will enjoy Forever Ours**_

_**Oh, and chapters will be posted whenever I get the chance. I've hit the busy months and have had very little time for writing and typing. So with that, be patient with my posting skills. I will try to post as much as I can.**_

_**And with that being said…I bring you chapter two.**_

Chapter 2

Kaleb's point of view

At first, I felt sorry for Nessie. And Jacob. What can I say? He's my Alpha.

Jacob looked horrible. No other way to put it; and Nessie being gone isn't helping either.

Those two week she was with me was the best time of my life. Those two weeks I could say that Nessie was mine.

Deep down part of me was feeling guilty for doing this. Jake trusted me. He gave me the position as Beta. He could have given it back to Leah. He could have made Sam, Quil, Embry, Paul, or anybody Beta. But he said he had a good feeling about me and thought I could handle it. Then I steal his girl.

But the competition part of me won. I wanted to go over to Jacob's house right now and brag that I told to _his _Renesmee when she didn't want anything to do with him.

I knew she did though. Deep down she loved Jacob and that love would never go away. But she loved me too. She knows I'm not tied down to the pack like Jake is. She knows I can quit when he can't. I can give her the life she's always wanted.

I wanted to see her. I missed her. But what would Jake do? I've learned to have new respect for how bad he can hurt somebody.

Jake hadn't commanded me to stay away from Nessie. Yet.

But him trying to rip me to shreds wouldn't be forgotten. And my brother's, and Leah's. and Quil's, and Embry's. Basically the whole pack whopped my butt.

Jake stripped me of my Beta title. My new title is: Omega! Lowest of the lows. I guess you don't steal your brother's love of his life, much less your alpha.

When Renesmee hung up on me. I thought I said something wrong. Then I realized I did. I tried to tell her over the phone to choose me. Very romantic, right? I shouldn't have told her how Jake _really _was. I should have just said "yeah, he misses you…" Or at least tried to divert the conversation to something else.

Do I regret what I did? No. Do I regret hurting Renesmee? Yes. She says the reason why she left was because she wasn't going to choose between Jacob and me. Do regret betraying Jake's trust…maybe. To a certain limit. I think Nessie should have told him about her and me. Not my stupid brother.

But hey, can't disobey your Alpha.

I can't get out of my head what Jacob told me. He tackled me to the ground and commanded me to show him every single detail. He yelled me that I disobeyed his trust and that I could kiss my Beta position good-bye.

That's when I _really _started to avoid him. I didn't realize how crazy Jake was until he was without Nessie. He reminds me of a person on drugs and he's going through a withdrawal.

You wanna know the worst thing is? A few days ago I had it out with Kyle. So, he packed up Leah and left, taking Kierra along with him.

I'm all alone now.

I think everybody quit talking to me. Only except Nessie.

Sometimes I wondered what Nessie saw in Jacob. He was always watching her every move. She would have to sneak out just to go somewhere. She never had a choice in loving him. She's afraid that if she chose me, it'll destroy Jake. He's already bad off, so why not give it all to him?

I sat here thinking about all of this. I've never told Jacob about all of this. Nessie won't do it, so why not me? Yeah, he might kill me afterwards but why not give it a shot?

You know what? I think I am! I am going to go over there and tell him how it was his fault Nessie left, not mine.

I got up with determination, walking to the door.

Maybe this isn't such a good idea. Jake's the strongest. He can easily kill me. But he won't. Because he knows if he does, that would devastate Nessie.

I got braver…until I started thinking how the whole pack could kill me because of this. Jake's beating made me wish I was dead.

_This _is actually a pack civil war. Almost everybody sided with Jake. Only a few new ones sided with me, and that caused more tension between us.

But with Jake being rightful Alpha, we're all stuck together. But since we're all basically brothers, this is just a big family feud with Billy and some of the other Elders as the mediators.

Okay. Bad choice in wanting to brag in front of Jacob. He won't take second thought of killing me then.

_If_ Nessie came back, how could we all be able to be in the same room together? How can Jake and I be at least in a miles radius within each other? How can we be in the same room at Kim and Jared's wedding?

Most of all: who would Nessie choose?

I imagined if the beautiful Renesmee chose me. I would fulfill every promise I would make to her. Whatever Nessie asked me to do; I would do it in a heartbeat. I would give her anything in the world.

But I knew Jake would too.

"Kierra, do you-" I started but remembered that I have this old empty house to myself.

Pain surged though my chest. I missed my little sister. I missed her giggling laughter throughout the house. I've focused all my time with fighting for Nessie's heart, I've ignored Kierra.

I growled in frustration. I can't have one single thought without thinking of Nessie! I was addicted to her as much as Jacob was. We both loved to be near the bomb so we can be there for the explosion. While everybody else is taking cover, we're the idiots that don't. We get excited when a natural disaster strikes. Nessie is a drug to me _and _Jake. We can't live without her, and we're mad when we don't.

Jacob has always been worried about Nahuel when he really should have been worried about me. I slipped every now and then, but why didn't he notice?

Because he was so worried about Nahuel stealing Nessie from him. Then after he found out the half leech didn't love "his girl," Jake thought everything would be okay.

Boy was he wrong.

I didn't know much about the "Bella, Edward, Jacob love triangle." I do know some of the guys joked that Nessie was Bella, Jacob was Edward, and Nahuel was Jacob. Now I've taken Nahuel's spot. And like Jacob many years ago, I didn't plan on loosing the girl I had my sights on.

I couldn't stay in this house any longer. I wanted to phase but Jake was probably out there and I wasn't ready to confront him.

I decided to jog over to the beach. Tourist would be packing up for the day but I'm sure they wouldn't mind me running around only in shirts and a muscle shirt.

I ran over there as fast as I could, enjoying the speed. That's always how I liked things. Fast. Maybe if Jacob came after me again, I can haul butt away from here.

At first people thought Leah and I would hook up after they saw that we would race and joke back and forth together. Sometimes she would win. Sometimes I would.

That all stopped when Kyle imprinted then got jealous.

Everybody was packing up. Old people were holding hands, walking back to their cars. A two year old was kicking and screaming because he didn't want to leave. A young blonde-thirteen maybe-and a local boy who looked like his head was smaller than his body was kissing her. I guess we should be expecting him to phase pretty soon.

Ah, the days of summer.

"Hey." I heard a familiar voice say from behind me.

I stopped, at first thinking that it was Jake, but sighed in relief when it was only Jared and Kim.

"Hey." I said back. "Out for a late night walk?"

"Yeah. We just came back from Abby's. Have you heard from Nessie?" Kim instantly asked. Jared said Kim was hoping to get in contact with Nessie. Both really want her at their wedding.

I didn't know what to say? Could I lie to her?

"Ah…" I stumbled.

"Is she coming back?"

"I really don't know?" I answered. That was the truth. I didn't when Nessie was coming back. I just talk to her.

I noticed Jared was glaring at me. It looked like he was ready to kill me as much as Jake was.

"You know what, Kaleb? Why don't me and you take a walk? Mano to Mano." Jared said, grabbing me by the neck and dragged me down the beach.

He dragged me far away from so Kim wouldn't be able to hear us and then threw me on the ground.

"Hey! Why'd you do that?!" I shouted, getting up and dusted sand off of me.

"Have you _really_ talked to Nessie?" he growled.

Could I pull it off and lie again? All of them will eventually find out once we all phase. Even Jake eventually will.

It sucks to be a wolf sometimes.

Maybe I should just run off as I planned to do the first time. At first I wanted to quit because I saw Jacob willingly give up his life to save mine. That meant he was willing to give up a life with Nessie to die for someone who betrays him.

Then I tried to get Nessie to leave Jake and go cross country with me. I wanted to her to tell Jacob that night that she was going with me. I wanted her to tell Jake the truth: that she loved me too.

And you want to know the sad part? I wanted all that to be the _same _night that Jake saved my life.

"Yes! I've spoken to Nessie." I answered, knowing my silence had given me away.

"Seriously! Haven't you thought about all of this?!" Jared yelled angrily.

"Yes, I have." I snapped back.

"Then why are you trying to get a girl you can't have? You haven't even thought about how much you've dragged people into this!"

"Why do you care about if I talk to Nessie?" I yelled, shoving him.

"Because she isn't yours! You have no right to talk to her!" Jared yelled, shoving her back.

"She has a choice in all of this! I can't help it if she found someone who wants to give her a choice. It's not my fault she left."

"It's your _entire_ fault! You've taken the one thing that Jake wanted! You've betrayed your brother _and_ your alpha! You've split this into a civil war!" he shouted. We were in each others faces, preparing to rip one of us into shreds.

"Stay out of my business!"

"_Your _business? You've made this everybody's business! The pack, the imprints, the Cullens, and especially Jake! And it was all because of you falling in love with Nessie! You only cared about yourself! You still do! Maybe it _is _a good thing Kierra left with Kyle!"

That struck a wrong never and I phased. So did Jared.

We rolled into the woods, snapping at each other the whole way.

The good thing though about being the lowest of the pack is that you can get into a fight whenever you want. The bad thing is that you still get the blame even if it wasn't your fault.

"_Both of you stop!" _a certain voice commanded.

Great. The one person I've been avoiding decides to stop me from killing Jared.

"_You're lucky I'm not killing _you_." _Jake growled towards me. I shrunk down as if I were invisible.

"_We're not that lucky."_ Quil thought, taking his position as Third in Command on the side of Jake's flank.

After I was booted, Jake wanted to assign Embry as Beta. But Karli begged Embry not to take it, so he didn't. That's how Sam got a high position back since he knew how to run the pack.

To be honest, I kinda miss my Beta position.

"_You would still have it if you weren't in love with somebody you shouldn't be!" _Jake shouted. I shrunk down even more.

"_Can't help who you fall in love with, Jake. You should be the one to know."_ A newbie-Koda-thought. He was one of the few who had my back.

"_Quiet. You're not in this conversation."_ Alpha Almighty ordered. _"Why are you two fighting?" _Jake asked Jared and me.

He should already know.

But that's the thing about Jake. Since Nessie left, she left a cold, heartless man behind.

Do to the Alpha orders; we had to show him everything. Jared showed him our conversation. I had to show him before that. Even when I talked to Nessie.

As Jake saw that, I swore I thought I saw the slightest bit of vulnerability in his eyes. Maybe he was hoping I talked Nessie into coming back. He craved to hear her voice.

And we had to be on the joy ride too.

I saw a flutter of disappointment in Jacob's thoughts when he realized she wasn't coming home. He needed to see her.

Anger flooded through him as he saw even more of my thoughts of her. How I wanted to see her. How I wanted her to choose me over him.

Jake wanted to kill me on the spot, but his role as Alpha stopped him. That and he knew if he killed me it would hurt Nessie. Both of our hands were tied. If one of us kills the other, we could kiss our chance with winning Nessie's heart out the window.

Alpha Almighty seemed to have agreed because I was still breathing.

"_Jared, I'm glad _you _care about your brothers, _(that sounds like a snide comment, huh?) _But I'd be even happier if you didn't put you own two sense in. What goes on between Ness-Rensmee, Kaleb, and I goes on between the three of us. We don't need this to be blown out of proportion more than it already is."_ Jake thought. "_That goes for the rest of you. If Kaleb or I ask for the advice, you're more than welcome to give it. Other than that, please don't say anything."_

That last part sounded like he was begging. It sounded like it was for him than for the "pack." Maybe he's hurting more than he's putting off.

"_You."_ Jake growled at me. _"Phase back and meet me at my house."_

Jake stayed silent for a few more minutes then we felt him phase back to human.

Alpha orders cannot be disobeyed.

I ran to Jake's house scared of what he was going to say or do. I was afraid of what I was going to say or do. Could Jake ban me from speaking to Nessie-No. He knows I can bring Nessie's face as much as he could.

A new hope spread though me. Jake can't touch me. He can't kill me. He can't hurt me. I have a connection with Nessie. He knows he could loose her if something happens to me.

But that could go the other way too. If I do anything to Jake, forget being with Nessie. I may have a deep connection with her, but Jake has one that goes way beyond understandable.

It sounds very manly to hide behind a girl, isn't it?

"_Kind of?"_ Seth thought.

"_Shutup."_ I growled back.

"_Good luck, bro. You'll need it."_ Noah(newbie)thought.

"_Thanks."_ I mumbled then phased back to human.

I ran a little on two feet to Jake's house. I stopped when I saw him standing in the woods with his back to me.

"I thought you said to meet you at your house?" I asked like an idiot.

"I'm Alpha. I can do whatever I want." Jake said coldly.

I think we've all grown use to his cold, sarcastic tone of voice. Embry and Quil said he was like this when he was loosing the battle against winning Bella's heart.

But now this time around, it's worse.

"Kind of throwing your weight around, don't you think?" I asked. Jake stayed silent. "Decided to kill me yet?"

"I'm thinking about it; but you've got a point. I kill you, I'll break her heart. And even though she doesn't…want me, I still can't hurt her."

"What if me and you go at it and I'm the winner by some chance?"

Jake just stared ahead, not answering.

I was shocked our conversation was staying this calm…despite our cold harsh tones to each other.

"I've already lost her, remember? You should. You were the one who took her away." he growled, now looking at me.

I shared his cold glare back towards him.

"Why put the blame on me? You were the one completely oblivious to it all! You didn't know what she was confused! You were the one who didn't give her a choice! That's all that she's wanted was a choice in all of this!" I growled back.

"You don't know her! You never have!"

"I don't? Where was she when she was scared before her graduation? Who did she believe the most when she thought you were dead? Where was she afterwards? Where was she the two weeks you were too coward to own up to what you did? She was with me!" I shouted. I've got a lot of balls to be saying this.

Jake was tense, and so was I. But I wasn't done. Not quite yet.

"You don't understand all of this, do you?! I've tried giving Renesmee a choice! That's all I ever wanted her to have! I made sure to tell her that she had a choice! That if she wanted somebody else, she can be with him! I-I thought she was fine with everything. _She _told me that she was okay with all of it! _She_ told me that I was the only one who she'd ever love! But _you_ screwed that up! _You_ were the one that took her away! She wants you, not _me."_

Again, I could easily see the vulnerability and tears in Jake's eyes.

"Nessie has never done one thing for herself. I was the one who just gave her a choice in what life she wants. I'm not tied down to the pack as you are. If she wants to pack up and move, I can go with her. You've got to stay. You're the true Alpha. I'm not going to be one."

Jake took a step back. He was probably going through everything in his head; but I still wasn't done.

"Believe me. She wanted to tell you. _I _wanted her to tell you! I wanted her to tell you _the _exact night you were bit. I wanted to take her away from all this danger while you bring her into it!" I shouted. "But she's _too _nice. She wanted to spare poor Jacob's feelings. I know I can give her something to make her happy-"

"I make her happy!" Jake accused.

"Really? If you made her happy then why did she leave?" I asked with a smirk on my face. I just _might _be winning this battle after all.

Jake seemed at loss for words but he knew I was right. He knew if Nessie was happy with just him, she wouldn't have feelings for me.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HER LIKE I DO! You don't understand what it is like to have the feeling of having your heart ripped out your chest! You don't know what it's like to loose something that has been the center of your world! Kaleb, _you _did that. You stole something that wasn't yours! You should have backed away! How can you even love her when she is my imprint?" Jake asked as I saw more vulnerability seep in. His cold hard stare slowly faded away while the broken heartedness replaced it. Hurt was written all over his face.

I didn't have the answer because I didn't know myself. None of the other guys felt feelings for Nessie like I do. Yeah some of the unimprinted wolves would look but they didn't look much. Even _they_ had respect for our brother and Alpha.

I was just different.

"I bet you couldn't go through the pain I go through everyday. You couldn't handle what I feel. If you feel what I feel, maybe you would loose that sarcastic, idiotic, immature smile before I do it myself." Jake growled.

"You wouldn't want to hurt Nessie now would you?" I couldn't help it. I've already got the ball rolling. I can't stop it now.

"I would back off of the comments." he warned. I backed off.

"If Nessie chose you, which she probably will, I've got to see her happy and safe. Give that to her." Jake pleaded, his eyes glazed over. I don't think I've ever seen Jake come close to tears. Or let them come at least and not care at least.

I was shocked he was saying this. It was like he knew what Nessie was going to do.

"Wha-what do you mean? You're giving up _that _easy? " I asked shocked.

"I'll do whatever it takes to make her smile. Even if it means letting her go." he answered.

"But you're the big, tough Alpha. You've always said you're going to fight for Nessie. But now you're not?" I said in a cocky tone of voice. "You say she's supposedly yours."

The angry cold glare that we've all came to know hardened his face.

"Kaleb! Just for _that, _yeah, I'm going to fight for her! You think I'm giving up on a girl that I've been waiting so long to be with! You're one stupid idiot to think that since you professed you love to her, you'll get her?! I said I would do anything to make her smile. If she wants you then I have to let her go. I won't be happy about it but…I'm not _giving _her up to _you, _though." Jake yelled as if he had something stuck in his voice.

"But you just said that she will probably pick me! Make up your mind, dude!"

"But that doesn't mean I'm giving up! Listen for one! That girl is my soul mate! She's my best friend! She's my whole world! I can't go a single day without her! And her telling me she doesn't want me is killing me inside! You being in the picture isn't helping much, either." Past the angry cold stare, I could see the pain and loss. I think he was finally opening up.

"May the best man win." I challenged, sticking out my hand.

Jacob took my extended hand and started shaking it. He had that sort of grin of amusement that you get when you know your about to hurt somebody you desperately hate.

Jake stopped but his grip on my hand got tighter. Bone crushing tight. I should have known he was going to do this when he had the "I hope you die" look.

The pain sent me to my knees, but he didn't let me go. He was tightening it so hard; I could feel the bones in my hand become crushed.

"What the-" I started, but his foot connected to the side of my face, sprawling me on the ground.

"Don't phase." Jake ordered. I could feel the waves of his command vibrate over me. I couldn't phase.

I growled under his command. I don't know what hurt worse: my hand, my face, or the sickening feeling of me not turning into a wolf when I need it.

Jake grabbed me by my neck and picked me up off the ground. Jake was a good five inches than me. And a lot stronger too.

"You're lucky I'm only doing this."

"You said you hurt me then you hurt Nessie." I rasped.

"No. I said if I _killed _you then I hurt Nessie. Believe me, I want too, but I am going to be the better man and take Renesmee's feelings into consideration. I'm not selfish like you."

I guess he was back to the psychotic dead man walking.

Again.

"Really? You surely surprised me. Give the BS to someone who doesn't know you." I said.

That made him even angrier, so I'm kind of regretting it now.

"Go before I _do _decide to kill you." Jacob slung me to the ground and I took off.

I took the back way home, making sure the tourist were long gone.

I stormed through the door, breathing heavy. I wasn't for sure if I was under the gag order anymore, but I knew I couldn't phase. I couldn't have everybody swarming my head. Jake probably felt the same way.

There was a chance Nessie _could_ choose me over Jake. I mean, an imprint has never not picked their imprinter but isn't there a first time for everything? I might actually have a chance in this!

Jacob says he'd do anything to make Renesmee smile. Could I do that? Could I have a deep connection with her as Jacob has?

The simple answer is: I couldn't. They have the imprint where I don't have anything at all.

I went to my room to get some sleep, hoping that it would clear my mind.

I wished Nessie was here. I missed how she was able to make herself right at home. Her smile lighting up the room. How she always had that peaceful serenity about her. How she can change a tense room to a calming one in seconds.

Or better yet. I miss my parents. I missed my mom. Surprisingly, I missed my dad. I missed my brother and sister. I missed my grandparents.

I hated it when I was alone. I was scared like all of us. I'll admit that I'm scared like Jake is.

I made a big mistake. I'll admit _that_. See. This is why I hate being alone. My brain thinks too much. And I _do _have a heart. I do regret. I wish I can do this a different way.

Ever since my mother was sucked dry, I've had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I took care of my brother when my father shut the whole world out after her death. Then I was taking care of both Kyle and Kierra. I never had time to do anything stupid.

Now I can.

But for how long. How long do I have before I break down on my knees? Like I thought, Jake already broke, Nessie's coming close to breaking down, but how long do I have before I loose it?

When does this stop?

I might as well give up on sleeping.

I rummaged through my kitchen to see what food I had. I settled for a bag of chips, half a box of cold meat lover's pizza. I plopped on the couch and started eating.

What was I going to do? I'm sitting here doing nothing when I need to be doing _something_. Maybe I could call Nessie again? No. Jake would finish me off this time.

Or…maybe I can try and find _her._ It can be simple. I just have to call the Cullens then-BAM-I'd know where she was at. I keep saying I'm going to quit the pack, and all of us need answers from Nessie. It would be a good logical excuse right? We don't fully understand her shouting "I DON'T WANT YOU!" at Jake. Well, the others don't understand. I do.

But Renesmee said she didn't want me wherever she's at. What if I go up there and she shouts the same thing she did to Jacob? It could be a possibility that she _truly _left because she didn't want two men fighting over her.

Could there be another?

Sometimes I'm even left for confused. There's times I think I have a shot with Nessie. Then there's time when I know I'm going to loose so I might as well save myself the heartbreak.

But the thing is…I love the heartbreak. It gives me more to fight for.

Oh well, my cards are on the table. And Jacob's are too. Now it's the wild card's turn to play.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jacob's point of view

_Three weeks since Nessie has been gone…_

If it wasn't for Nessie…Kaleb would be dead! He _should _be dead. _I _should be the one killing him!

I wanted to kill Kaleb! I wanted to find Nessie! I needed her with me. I had to know she was going to be okay. Even if it was long enough to reject me again.

I knew I was worse off than I was with Bella. I'm angrier, more heartbroken. I don't sleep. I rarely eat. I think I beat Bella when it comes to acting depressed.

I'm scared to sleep at night. I can't. Not without my angel.

Every time I close my eyes, her words come back and haunt me. Her hateful look. How she said she was forced to love me. How she _will_ never love me.

I want to give her what she wants. She can be with whoever she wants to be with. It doesn't matter. I'll do anything to make her happy. I just needed to be near her.

I walked back to my house-which I was rebuilding. My father signed the rights over to me after he saw what I had done. Both him and Rachel were heartbroken at what they say happen to the home. We all shared memories with my mother and Rebecca in that little house. I destroyed all of it because of my anger.

They made me feel guilty. I promised them I would rebuilt the whole thing. Which it did need rebuilding. A good wind storm would have tore it down all the way. They guys help when they could but they sleep. I don't.

I mostly just phase, rebuild the stupid mustang, rebuild a old piece of crap motorbike, and work on the house. I hope juggling all those things would help the pain of loosing Nessie, but I knew it was false hope. Nothing seemed to make me forget the hurricane that came through.

I missed her more than anything. This was the longest time I've ever been away from her. I needed to be near her.

_I don't want you…_ That stays my brain most of the time. It was one of the many things I couldn't get out.

I broke my promise to her except one. I said I wouldn't deny her of anything ever again. I think that's why I haven't went after her. Renesmee's wanted a normal life that didn't include me.

What she wants, she gets.

I want to kill Kaleb! I wanted to destroy everything of his as he destroyed of mine. He took my Renesmee away from me!

But was it completely his fault? Was it mine, too?

I let it slip that Kaleb was going to win Nessie. I didn't know she was. But I've lost her. It's her choice. But this time I think I'm going to loose. Nessie could be happy with Kaleb or whoever it is she wants to be with. And I would be the best friend who sat back envious.

If I'm _that _lucky.

But that doesn't mean I won't fight for her. I would, and I will.

_Choice…_ Kaleb said I never gave Renesmee a _choice. _I thought I did? I told her if she didn't want to love me, I wouldn't force her.

But I guess I did.

I knew Nessie was wrong. I love her. It wasn't the imprint that makes me be so stupid around her because of how she lights up a room. I would fall in love with her like everybody else has. She has the perfect…everything about her to make people love her.

People don't think I would fight for her, but with all that is going around in my mind, I need too. If I was going to loose, I'd rather say that I died trying.

I pulled myself out from underneath the old mustang. What else can I do?

Funny how history repeats itself. I fall in love then get burned. But with Nessie, I would take the burn over again. She was worth it.

I remembered a vague memory of my mother. I remember when I was young I followed her into the kitchen. She was cooking something and I was so intrigued by the fire. I reached up to touch it, but my mother pushed my hand away and told me that it would hurt. That I would get burned.

After she left the kitchen, I stayed in there. I looked around to see if she was near. When I realized she was doing something for my sisters, I reached my hand up to touch the fire. Once my hand got to the flame, I instantly pulled it back and screamed.

My mother rushed in to see what happen and realized I got burned. She scooped me up, hugged me, told me that I was wrong, and I never touched the fire again.

Nessie was like that. One wrong touch and you'd get burned. But I'd take the burn again and again. I couldn't learn. It was like I loved this pain a little to much. Like I loved my heart to be busted up. There was something about Nessie that kept me loving her, and without the imprint. I just can't walk away.

Kaleb was just an obstacle in my way.

I thought he was trust worthy. I could see he was good at taking charge when I couldn't be there. That's why I chose him as my Beta. I could trust him. Or so I thought I could.

Isn't it amazing how time can change everything?

Why does Kaleb love Renesmee? _My_ imprint! She was supposed to be mine and only mine. The others only look at her as family. They guys look at her as a sister as I did with Emily, or Kim, or any other the other imprints. We don't try and steal each other's soul mates. We can't hurt a brother like that? Why is it different for him? This wasn't even a love triangle! It was more like he was jealous of what I had and wanted to take it for himself.

I think.

Maybe I could go against Nessie's whishes and find her. The Cullens talk to her. They might know where she's at. She might even be living with them..

But I say I know her better than anybody and she wanted this…

_If you love someone, set them free. They'll come back if they were truly yours._

I dropped the wrench to the ground, starring at the jumbled mess underneath the car. I was torn. Nessie told me to stay out of her life and so far I have. But its taking a toll on my being able to go by everyday life. All of this is taking a toll on my leadership to the pack.

I'm lifeless without her.

I could handle not sleeping and not eating. I can even handle the tension between the pack. That can all be swiped away with one little command. I will even go as far as Kaleb loving Nessie! Sort of.

But I can't handle her staying away from me.

I was close to having her made mine forever, but she didn't want to have a forever with me. I would go back and redo everything just to have her with me. I would take it slower. I would let her have the guy of her choice. I would say more. I would do more.

Why didn't Nessie tell me she had feelings for Kaleb? She couldn't trust me? She didn't want to tell me that she will never love me again? What made her break down and tell me the day we were suppose to be getting married? I need answers!

I got out from underneath the mustang and went to my phone. I dialed Nessie's number. I needed her to answer one question then I will let her go back to her own life. She can do whatever she wanted to do after that.

"Hello?" I head Nessie ask. Her voice was so beautiful. It sounded like bells. It almost sent me to my knees.

"Ness, I-"

"Gotcha. Sorry, can't get to the phone right now. Leave a message; and if it's important enough, I might call you back. You know what to do." her voicemail told me.

I waited till the beep. I needed to leave her a message this time. I just need to get control my anger first.

"Wonderful! I got your _voicemail_, Renesmee. My message _is _important so it might be best if you call back." I growled. Get a grip, Jake! "I was just wondering…if you _say_ you don't love me, that you don't want me, why didn't you just let the venom kill me. It would have saved us the heartbreak." I snarled then hung up.

Okay…that wasn't the best route to take. Maybe I should have calmed down _before _calling instead of after.

But what I said was a truth. She could have left the venom inside me, destroying me bit by bit. She would be able to spend the rest of her life with whoever she pleases to be with. She would have only saved my life once.

I kicked the large, standing-up tool box that kept probably a quarter of my tools to the ground. Everything scattered to the ground along with the bent mettle. There goes _that _Christmas gift.

No, Jake, you can't get angry. Not angry at Nessie. She didn't do anything for me to destroy all of this.

But she left-No. I wasn't going to blame her. It was Kaleb's fault for stealing something that wasn't his. It was my fault because I was oblivious to it all. I didn't see the signs Nessie was trying to hide. I didn't follow my gut and press a certain subject when I had a feeling something was going on. I forced Nessie into doing something she didn't want to do. I forced her to love me.

I never gave her a choice.

I slid down against the wall. I didn't care who called me weak; but I'm heartbroken. Nessie left me a lifeless man to be truthful. And hearing that she also loved Kaleb added to the pain. But what made it worse was that Rensemee felt like she couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth.

I would listen to her right? I would take it sort of okay. I think. But I knew we would eventually be back to here. Kaleb was right. She was just to nice to hurt my feelings.

I missed her. I needed to hear her voice and know that she was okay. I would be fine with that. No the pain wouldn't leave, but I knew if I saw her happy, it would go away.

I'd do anything for her. I'd give anything just to make her smile.

I sat there, letting my mind wander. I hoped since I didn't sleep I would be able to stay busy and _not _think of Nessie. As you can see, it doesn't work. She's tattooed into my heart and branded into my brain.

I started walking back to the house. It kinda look unrecognizable with the work I was doing. Its bigger. The painting isn't the barn red color, but now a new tan color. Rachel's job. Not mine.

I've got to admit, it stung that Paul wouldn't allow Rachel to bring my nephew over so I could see him. I mean, eventually he'll have to hang around his crazy Uncle Jake. The kid's bound to phase.

But I couldn't blame Paul for wanting to protect his wife and son. I could loose it and hurt her. Then Paul would be forced to kill me. But I wouldn't. I couldn't hurt Rachel. She's my sister. I wouldn't hurt Paul like that and take away the reason he breathes like Kaleb did. He knew it too.

But Paul was still worried.

I walked through the door. Probably this was third priority. My first being Nessie, second being the pack, third this.

I had to get it done so it just shut up Billy and Rachel. Who knows, I might call Esme to design the inside then sell it. Or somebody would move in. I'd take the money I'd get off the mustang, the bike, and the house and go somewhere where there was no memories of Renesmee.

I can't get that lucky.

I started to get to work. I can take my anger out as I'm working. I can't do that with the Mustang. I'd have to re-rebuild the whole thing again.

Everybody says I'm worse than I was being without Nessie on Christmas. They say I'm even worse than depressed.

I'd take depression any day than the pain I have now.

Maybe I _do _need to sleep.

I found myself nodded off as I was putting up sheetrock. I must be desperate. I'm falling asleep standing up.

But I _need _to stay awake. I don't heal as fast as I used to.

I don't think I'll ever forget bring Carlisle's guinea pig. And come to find out one of Taha Aki's wolves were bitten by a leach. The down side was is that he didn't have a chance to live. I'm the only alpha bit and the only wolf to ever live after a venom bit.

Stranger things can happen, right.

Carlisle went off on as much as we knew about the tribal stories and then the testing begun. Nessie made me sit there while Carlisle took blood and observed how different I was. She made me rest with the help of Jasper and Roxanne's gift put together.

What Carlisle came up with was simple. I would snap a lot easier, my brain wouldn't be able to hold the world on my shoulders _without _snapping, and my accelerated healing kicked in extremely high when I was bit so it would a little slow the next time I was injured.

Renesmee explained-dummied it out mostly-that the venom was already in my heart. I was already dead by the time the last drop of venom was sucked out of me. She saved me last minute. But Carlisle said once after Nessie was brought away from me, my heart started beating. It was like I was fighting to be with her.

She also dummied it down that the venom slowly ate away at everything. If I ever got bit again, which I hoped I didn't, it would destroy what was rest of me with a lesser chance of survival.

I also had a question on how Nessie was able to suck the venom out of my system without turning into a full vampire herself. Carlisle's answer was simple: Nessie _was_ half vampire. The venom never got in her blood stream. My blood was just like her drinking an animal. Just to her, mine was disgusting.

But here's the stupid thing to think about. And maybe a little crazy too. But I'd rather have the venom coursing through my veins killing me, than have to do any longer without Renesmee.

I dropped whatever tool I had in my hand. I didn't know what it was. I was too tired to care _what _it was. I needed sleep. I haven't had a clear head since…I can't remember when.

Okay Jake. Nessie wanted this. You said you would give her whatever she wanted. You're strong. You can handle this. You've waited seventeen (or was it eighteen?) years for her, you can wait longer.

God! I'm going nuts!

I can handle one or two hours of sleep, can't I? I'm so exhausted that I might not even have a single memory of Renesmee. (I wish.) Sleep will clear my head. I can think better. I won't have to worry about chopping my arm off. I don't think the quick healing will regenerate my arm. Yeah…that won't be a pretty sight.

I slid against the wall to the ground, letting myself drop with a thud. I don't know what I was going to do. Do I go and track Nessie down? Do I demand to know why she left? Do I tell her that she's a liar and she's lying to herself? Do I tell her how bad she's left me heartbroken? That I missed her. That she was more than just a lover. She was my best friend? She understood everything. She saved me from doing several things I would regret later. Could I handle her slamming the door in my face as she shouted what she said was true?

Or do I just give her what she wanted and live the rest of my life alone?

Why did Kaleb have to play with fate? Couldn't he understand that Nessie wasn't his to begin with? Why did he have to choose to take away something important from me? Couldn't he just went ahead and bothered somebody else?

I suck when it comes to keeping a women.

After a while I started to nod off. Good. I wanted to escape this hell of a world. Maybe the dreaming world would be a lot better.

I dreamed I was running as fast as I could to First Beach. I was worried that I would be to late that Kaleb or the Volturi had gotten to her first.

I saw her standing in front of me. She's became even more beautiful, or I could be because I craved to see her.

But something else changed about her. I couldn't understand what it was but I knew something was going on with her that she wouldn't tell me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, walking up to her.

Nessie shook her head, not looking at me but simply took a step away from me. I reached out towards her but she shied away from it as if I would hurt her.

I tried to touch her again but she back away. Her eyes were filled with fright. "Ness, I'm not going to hurt you." I tried to reassure her but she didn't say anything. It was as if her voice was taken away. Or she chose not to bother talking to me.

"If you're not going to talk to me, at least project to me what you're going to say." I begged.

"_I've come to say good-bye."_ she showed me. At least I got something.

"What's new?" I snapped. Nessie projected to me that she didn't understand.

"_Your good-byes. You've said so many to me that I don't know what's true and what's not. What? Did you and Kaleb finally elope? Now you want my permission for him to have a few weeks off so he can go to Africa with you as _we _planned?_"

"That is none of your business where I go and whom I am with!" Nessie accused. Her voice was so beautiful that it almost sent me to my knees.

"Maybe I'll go to Volterra!" she shouted with as much venom as she could get.

"You know you love me. You don't love just him. You know deep down in your heart that you love me. That we're connected." I blurted, finally grabbing her by the elbow and bringing her close to me. My touch looked painful for her as much as me touching her was but I pushed it to the back of my mind.

"Nessie!" we heard Kaleb shout as he rushed up to us, but it looked like Nessie didn't care. She only stared at my eyes with a blank expression.

"I've got to go." she whispered but I wouldn't let her go.

"No." I growled, shaking her in anger. "You _won't _leave. You're mine. I was the one that imprinted on you. Not Kaleb."

Nessie whimpered in pain and looked down to where my hands were gripping her arms. "Jake, you're hurting me. Let me go." she begged.

"If I let you go then you would leave and I would loose you for good." I said then crashed my lips onto hers. She pushed me away but still had the painful look in her eyes.

"Jake. When I said I didn't want you. I meant it. I choose Kaleb, Jake. And there is nothing you can do to change my decision. You've had your chance and you blew it." Nessie said as she went into Kaleb's waiting arms and kissed his lips.

"She's mine now." Kaleb said with a smirk.

I dreamed they disappeared and I was now alone. I kept hearing the conversation Nessie and I had the day she left. Well, what she was yelling at me. I just stood there and let her leave. But Nessie was right. I had my chance and I let it go through my hands as quick as Nessie left.

Kaleb was able to have the opportunity to give the choice she wanted. He would make her happy as much as I had. Maybe better-No. Nessie was mine! I imprinted on her for a reason. I haven't figured out why me and her always have to fight to stay together; but I knew there had to be a reason. It didn't matter if she hated me right now. We would eventually get past this and maybe she would be tolerant of me.

The conversation kept playing over and over in my head like I had a song on repeat. It was painful. The noise and the fact that I had to hear her say those things to me over was painful.

I dropped to my knees and covered my ears with my hands. I couldn't handle listening to that conversation anymore. I can't take it!

Kaleb's voice popped up in my head "_I'm not ties down to the pack. You are. I can make her happy…"_

He could. But was I going to give up that easy.

I woke up with a start. God! Why am I the one gifted with horrible dreams? Why can't I just have one dreamless sleep? Or better yet, why did I go to sleep in the first place?

I noticed I slept for ten minutes. Its nothing if it wasn't the longest ten minutes of your life.

Kaleb said he was going to fight for her. I was too no matter if I won or lost. No matter what Nessie tried to tell me.

Note to self: don't go back to sleep!

I kept thinking in I didn't jump in and save Kaleb, we wouldn't be in this mess. I would have Nessie and he would be six foot under. But the type of leader I am, I had to be Superman and save his careless butt. If I didn't I would feel guilty that I didn't do anything to save him. Kyle and Kierra would loose a brother and it would hurt Nessie.

Sometimes I hate being the nice guy.

"Jake!" I heard Quil shout from the garage. Great. Visitors.

"Yeah?" I shouted back, not bothering to move. Even after a ten minute nap, I was wide awake.

"Hey, man." he answered, appearing in the doorway. I didn't greet him back.

"So how did the conversation with Kabe go?" Quil asked.

I rolled my eyes in disgust and got up, continuing the work that I started on. He joined in shortly after so I guess he wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

"Didn't I just order the _whole_ pack to mind their own business?" I growled, glaring at my friend.

"Don't you realize that we can hear each other's thoughts whether you tell us to mind our own business or not. We can still see-and let's not forget feel everything that you and Kaleb see and feel." Quil asked as the subject we were on was the weather.

I didn't answer. I wasn't up for a conversation of any type; but Quil had a point. I was going through this pain and heartbreak and I had to drag my pack through it too.

Before when it was the Bella, Edward, and I love triangle, I didn't care if I dragged everybody through this me. I wanted too. I wanted the pack to hate the Cullens. I wanted to try and get Bella to hate them so I could have her for myself. I only wanted something I couldn't have. Now I'm the leader. I've got people I have to protect.. Not only my pack members, but their families. I have the whole Quileute reservation and the city of Forks to keep safe.

I thought about what would happen if Bella admitted her that she wanted me instead of Edward. The old me would be ecstatic. I could love her-not as much as I love Nessie, but she wouldn't have been in the picture. Edward said that if Bella wanted me, he would let her go. He wouldn't be happy and probably live the rest of his eternity regretting, but as long as she was happy he would be okay.

That's how I would be with Nessie. If I saw her happy, I would be okay. I would let her go if she truly asked me too. It's painful but I have to suck it up.

But saying it and doing it is two different things.

"We still haven't picked up any leads on Marcello. You think he's coming back?"

"Probably not." was all I said.

"Have you called the Cullens?" he asked.

I winced at the name. I was too chicken to call them. I couldn't face up to the fact that I could be the reason why she left. It would be to much to handle.

"Nope." I answered.

"Why?" Why does everybody have to be so freaking nosy?

"Do you have to be so nosy? So what if I don't call them? As long as the leech isn't killing on the reservation, starting a war with the Cullens, or if he isn't hurting Renesmee, I don't care where he is." I snapped, which is a lot for me to say. Quil just shrugged.

"What if he is?" he shrugged, not looking at me as he continued to work. I thought he was suppose to be "helping."

"You know what, Quil, you're a big help. I barely have to tell you to mind your own business. You can see clearly that I don't want to talk about it." I said in a cold sarcastic tone. Quil just smiled but didn't say anything.

It hit me he was talking about Renesmee, "You think the bloodsucker got to Nessie?" I asked.

"You never know."

I rushed and grabbed my phone-even though I knew it was useless. I stared at her number on my phone in a frozen state. What if she heard my voicemail and now she thinks I hate her? She told me to stay out of her life! She pulled the imprint card and I'm forced to do what she asked. She won't pick up.

"You gonna call?" Quil asked.

I looked at her number again. "It's no use. She won't pick up." I stated.

"You won't know if you don't try-"

"I've tried God knows how many times but she won't answer!" I snarled, turning around to glare at him.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket angrily. I give up!

But I couldn't. Even if Nessie had nothing to do with me we still had a connection that ran so deep it was indescribable. It was more than Kaleb would ever dream of having with Nessie.

I hit the wall in frustration. What kind of love triangle is this? It's a screwed up one! Kaleb didn't have a close relationship with Nessie! How can he be in love with her?!

"She's not picking up with me either." Quil said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Figures." I mumbled.

"I think you jinxed yourself, bro." Quil laughed.

I laid my head against the wall. I was miserable and _he _was laughing?

"Please tell me, Quil, give me some of your wisdom. How did I get myself into a stupid, idiotic, no reason for this love triangle? Please tell me how did I loose my best friend who made me happy to a idiot who sleeps with any women he pleases?!" I asked in a sarcastic tone as I kept balling up my hands into fist and releasing them. I swear if he says the wrong thing…

"I think you got yourself into this triangle because you said-and quote: "I'm never getting into a useless triangle." he answered, mocking my tone of voice.

He safe. For now at least.

"I didn't say it exactly like that." I said in my defense.

"Close enough." he shrugged, "Now onto question two…"

He seemed hesitant to answer and I winced. To be honest, I was afraid of what he would say but I needed to know. What did I do wrong?

I think this through everyday. What did I do for Nessie to do this? To leave me? Did I tell her she was beautiful enough? Did I not tell her that I loved her enough? What did I leave unspoken? What could I change so that Renesmee could answer her stupid phone when I called?

"I think you screwed up big time when you hid from her for two weeks. That and you didn't follow your gut when you had your suspicions." Quil answered after a while of hesitation.

My mind instantly went back to the time I lost it, The first time.

Paul said something I didn't like-and at the time I was still a little nuts. I remember grabbing Paul by the throat and started shouting in his face. Pretty soon Nessie was in the middle, attempting to calm me down. All of a sudden I phased with Nessie inches away from me.

Sam was there in an instant, pushing Nessie out of the way. He was able to take the blunt of what would make Nessie bleed.

I felt horrible for what I did. I almost hurt my Renesmee! I let my anger get in the way and she would pay for it like always.

Despite everybody crowding around Nessie and screaming at me, It seemed her face stood out the most. She wasn't scared. She wasn't crying or shouting that she hated me. It looked like she wanted to tell me something but I took okk like a coward.

Bella and Edward kicked me out. I was angry because I thought they were trying to keep me away from Nessie. I tried to attack them but Nessie got in the way again. This time she did look scared; and I was shameful. I promised that I would never do _that_ to her but I almost did.

I hid from her for two weeks. I was afraid of what she would say to me. I would beat my own self up. I thought I was getting better-back to normal at least-but it seems I was loosing it more than I already was. And I didn't want Nessie to see that.

One day Kaleb went to me and asked if he could have days off and he would run night patrol. At first I pushed it off as he couldn't get a baby sitter. Then I found out Kierra went to live with Kyle and Leah. I got curious but I never dreamed he was seeing my Renesmee.

I don't really remember when I manned up and went to see Renesmee. Maybe she came to me.

Maybe if I never hid from her, I wouldn't have pushed her to Kaleb. Maybe if I owned up to my mistake she would be with me right now.

I remembered I asked Sam why did he push Nessie out the way. He answered that he didn't want me to go through what he did to Emily. He didn't want Nessie to go what Emily had to go through. He didn't want history repeating itself because he knew it would kill me.

Quil was right. I screwed up big time; and for some reason that set me off.

I spun around and threw Quil against the wall, throwing my fist in his face.

"Jake!" he shouted but I didn't stop.

Tremors rolled through my body, threatening to make me into a wolf. I welcomed it.

I felt somebody yank me off of Quil, throwing me outside.

"Calm down, Jake. You asked, Quil answered. Alpha orders cannot go unobeyed remember?" Paul said as I saw deep worry set in his eyes as he helped Quil-who's face was already healing-up.

But he was right. I asked and got my answer.

I ran to the woods, phasing and let my clothes rip to shreds. I screwed up big time. I did something that made Nessie go to Kaleb instead of me. I can blame Kaleb. I can blame Bella and Edward. I should also blame myself.

I ignored the people in my head. Right now if nobody was dying, I didn't really care what they were saying.

At first I thought I was going to get better. Control my anger. I tried to stay away from something that would make me loose it. I made sure to move with caution to where if I go injured, it wouldn't be a day before it fully healed. I rested…when I was made. Now, I think the work Nessie helped me accomplish is now ruined. I think I'm back to ground zero.

Maybe I did need to contact the Cullens. I can get Alice to see where Marcello was and get an update on the Italian bloodsuckers. I could get them to help me finish the house so I can shut everybody up. I can see where Renesmee is and what she's doing.

I went back on Kaleb's conversation with Nessie. She seemed upset that I found out but that didn't mean anything. She could have been upset that she was caught. Maybe she still loved me. Maybe she didn't. I would never know unless I knew deep down in my heart that she was telling me the truth. Who would make her happy.

I realized I made it to the grassy field that was where we spent most of out time together. Those memories are branded into my mind. How can I forget her? She was my world and now I have that ripped from me. I didn't care if Nessie wanted a romantic relationship with me or not. She was mine anyway.

But would she come back?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Nessie's point of view

I replayed Jacob's voicemail over and over. All I could say is Kaleb's point of view about Jake didn't do him justice. He was miserable and with me gone he was going to get worse.

"_Wonderful! I got your _voicemail_, Renesmee. My message is important so it might be best if you call back." _he growled, "_I was just wondering…if you _say _you don't love me, that you don't want me, why didn't you just let the venom kill me. It would have saved us the heartbreak." _

The End.

I think what Jacob really wanted to know was why I let him live. He would rather die than live through the pain of him being without me. He wanted to know why I let him live when I yelled all those horrible things to him.

The thing though is that I still love Jacob. But I also love Kaleb. I can't make up my mind on who I want. I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision and hurt all three of us. Although I think I have.

So instead of hurting all of them I'll choose neither. It's safer for all of us. If the Volturi come, they won't go after Jake or Kaleb. I'll hurt both of them but I can't let them get killed.

But the problem was I didn't want to give both of them up. I want Jacob and I want Kaleb. I love them and want them both.

I haven't been outside since last night. I felt horrible. My body ached along with my sides. Oh how I wish I had Uncle Jasper's calmness right now. I wanted my grandmother's hugs. My mother's kiss. I wish I had Emmett's go with the flow attitude. I wish I had my father's advice. I wish I had my grandfather to ask what was wrong with me. Why does my whole body hurt? Why do I spend half of my days with my head in the toilet? Why me?

I've never got the answer in my whole life so why start now?

Despite my attempts of trying to forget the connection with Jacob, it was still there. What he felt, I felt. And the same way for him. I knew that he would let me go-or at least understand-if he saw me happy. He wanted me safe and happy. The problem was is that I wasn't safe, but I'm trying to be happy.

I had a connection with Kaleb but it wasn't as strong as Jacob's-No. I was not going to get on my knees and beg Jake to take me back only when I was going to hurt him again.

I ran my hands through my hair in aggravation. Why can't I make up my stupid mind about what man do I love more?! Or…I don't have to have some stupid guy! There drama anyway!

I grabbed the bedside lamp and threw it across the room. It shattered to the floor.

You know what! Why don't I just go to Volterra?! I'm sure Aro, Caius, and Marcus would love to have me!

Jacob's voice sounded cold in the voicemail. I wonder how he was in person. Probably even worse, knowing him. He probably wants to kill Kaleb, but the only reason he's kept him alive was because he was a pack brother and he didn't want to hurt me. Jake would never hurt me. That's probably why Kaleb is not dead.

I started walking around. What else was there that I could do? I didn't feel like putting a smile on my face and pretend everything was okay. _Nothing _was ever going to be okay.

I wondered into the kitchen, my stomach growling. I opened the fridge to get eggs but realized I didn't have any. Great. I guess I'll settle on a roast beef sandwich. As I made my quick meal and started nibbling on it, I read the paper. Pretty lame but I didn't have anything else to do.

There were three deaths in just two and a half weeks. One of them was obviously a vampire because of the no evidence, no DNA, and gun shot or stab wound. I wondered if it was bad enough to get the Volturi involved. Our number one law was to keep our secret. What if they get word of this and decide to do something about it? What if this vampire made a habit of making his feedings known?

Don't freak, Nessie. Maybe this one vampire was just in a rush or he was a newborn with nobody to teach him. I hope so.

The other two murders sounded new to me. Bodies ripped open, blood everywhere, organs and other human insides scattered around, and limbs almost detached, eyes open wide with terror-

Okay. Too much for my already weak stomach.

I dropped my food and covered my mouth with my hands. Please, God, please no! I ran to the bathroom, almost not making it. The remains of whatever in my stomach came up.

I hate this!

After flushing the toilet and getting rid of the horrible taste in my mouth, I went back up to the kitchen to clean up the mess I made. The one of many.

As I stepped in, the queasiness kicked back in. I walked around checking to see where the smell came from but could never find anything. Maybe a hunting trip will make me feel better.

After I cleaned everything up, completely giving up on eating, I plopped on the couch bored. I had no clue what to do.

I stared up at the ceiling for the longest, comfortable in my frozen state. I was brought out of it by phone ringing from my bedroom. I automatically ran to it, answering.

"Hello?" I asked without looking to see who it was.

"Nessie?" I heard Abby's voice say over the phone. Crap.

"It's me." I said in a high pitched voice, propping up against the bed.

"Oh my God! We miss you! Why haven't you talked to us? I called your family but they said they haven't spoken to you since Bella and Edward's anniversary. Ness, why haven't you answered any of our calls? Especially Jake's! Seth said you picked up on _Kaleb's _but you-"

"Look, if you're going to snap at me, don't bother. I don't need it from _you_." I snapped, cutting her off.

"I'm just trying to get answers. We all are." Abby said. I could hear it clearly that I had hurt her. She wasn't trying to hide it.

"It's none of your business. I called you and told you the week before I left and _gave_ you your answers." I didn't know why I was so angry but what Abby said just struck the wrong nerve.

I took a deep breath to calm down. Abby was just worried and when she gets worried she rambles.

"I'm sorry. Bad month." I said, lying on the bed.

"It's okay." she answered.

"So…how's Seth and you coming along? You should be leaving for collage pretty soon, huh?" I asked, hoping that would change the subject off of me.

"We're…I really don't know."

"You don't know?" She took the bait! THANK YOU!

"There's…" Abby stopped short.

"What?"

"Don't take it the wrong way; but a civil war is going on between the guys. Half of them are siding with Jake but a few new ones are with Kaleb. The tension is running high between all of them. It's even worse with Jake phasing-I'm saying too much, aren't I?" Abby asked.

She wasn't. I was curious. I knew this was about me but something inside me made me want to know more.

"No, go on." I said nonchalantly.

"Um…everybody is feeling what Jake feels-which isn't the best." she answered. Abby sounded like she wasn't sure she wanted to tell me this.

"What's Sethey-boy saying about all of this?" I attempted to joke but it seemed like I lost all sense of humor. Plus I didn't want to talk about what I did to Jake. I didn't want to settle back into the guilt ridden hole I've been in.

"Seth's…I don't really know. He won't tell me anything anymore! He thinks he needs to protect me! It's driving me nuts, Nessie! _H_e's driving me nuts! I'm starting to get the "I choose me" fever."

"The what?" I'm confused but I had a feeling it was something with me leaving.

"Our relationship isn't going great. Maybe if we take a break it'll make things better." Abby answered. I couldn't let my friend make the same mistake I did. She wouldn't be able to handle the pain I go through everyday.

"No! Abby, you can't. It will kill Seth!" I shouted almost too quickly for her human ears to hear.

"But you did it with Jacob. Yeah it's killing him but you seem alright."

I wasn't alright. I was far from the word alright. I just couldn't let her know that.

"You don't have two short tempered wolves fighting over you. You don't have vampires wanting to kill you! You didn't shut out you whole family because all of a sudden you're angry! You're not the one who is going through something that you don't know or can't explain!" I shouted, my breathing getting hard. Abby wouldn't understand. Nobody would.

"Ness? What's wrong?" Abby asked.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" I snapped a little too quickly. What was wrong with me?

"You seem tense. Like you're mad at the world." she answered like she was trying to figure it out herself.

"Nothing's wrong. I just need to make a hunting trip." I said as if it was nothing.

"You know, it'd probably be better if we could get together." Abby said, making a hint. What is it with people wanting to know where I was at?

"Yeah. I'll come back over to the states and we can go get coffee." I said sarcastically.

"So you're not in the states?"

"I'm not even on the same continent as you are."

"So where are you?"

I growled. "That's none of your business." I accused.

"I am just wondering. Nessie, I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you. Whether you like it or not, Jake feels whatever you feel. And I'm sure it is the same thing with you too." Abby snapped and I stayed quiet.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Good. Me neither. I kind of want to keep my half human half vampire friend." she joked.

"You're so human." I mock accused.

"You're so vampire. You never have fun!" my friend laughed.

"I do have fun."

"Okay, hanging with us isn't having fun."

"Hunting is." I argued.

"See what I mean about too much vampire?"

I always like talking with Abby. We can talk about one touchy subject then the next we're laughing at something carefree and totally random. I needed that.

"Okay, I have had fun where I'm at. Sorta." I laughed.

"Spill." Abby sounded excited but I couldn't tell if it was real or fake. I don't really care.

I told her about the parties I've been to. The people I've met, Henry, my apartment. I just left out how I feel now and where my location was at.

"It must be nice to be rich and have all the money in the world." Abby joked.

We talked until it was nightfall over here and the sun was probably coming up over there. Talking to one of my closest friends felt good. But I knew it wouldn't be able to stay that way. It would seem wrong to talk to everybody except Jake. I would hurt him even worse.

I was alone again. Alone and left only let my thoughts wonder and roam. That's when the guilt set in. That's when I ponder on who I will choose. I have three choices on my table: Jake, Kaleb, or me. Do I want all three? Can I have all three? Do I have to choose?

I couldn't stay in this apartment. I had to get out of here. I needed fresh air. I don't care if it was just for a walk but I had to go.

I put on a pair of flats and ran out the door. It's London! I'm bound to find something.

I walked out into the streets, just roaming around. At first London was fun, but now my heart just wasn't into it anymore.

"Vanessa!" I heard someone shout.

I winced at the voice. Henry.

I turned around to see him running up to me. I tried to put on a smile to make him think that I was okay. "Hey." I greeted.

"I was just on my way to see you. Are you okay? You look kind of pale." Henry said, worried.

I wanted to go into hysterics right there. Of course I would be. I'm part freaking vampire!

I noticed his hand reached to take mine but I gently moved it, pretending to move a curl behind my ear.

I've been extremely careful when coming to contact with humans that don't know my secret. I run a temperature of one-hundred five degrees, running a few degrees below the wolves who run around one-hundred eight degrees. If he touched me, he would think I would need to go to the hospital.

"Perfect." I was far from perfect.

"Really? Are you sure?" Henry reached his hand up to my forehead. I tried to shy away but his fingers grazed my head before I could.

"You're burning up!" Henry exclaimed as he attempted to get a better feel of my skin.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't worried about the temperature; but the burning flame in my throat ignited along with the queasy feeling of just thinking about blood. He shouldn't worry about me. He should worry about how close his arms get to my mouth.

To keep my self control-and to keep me from throwing up again-I took at step back. Maybe it was time for me to leave.

"I'm fine." I insisted. "My apartment felt stuffy so I decided to get some fresh air."

"I don't think you are okay. I think I need to take you to the hospital." Henry kept telling

me.

"I said I was fine!" I growled and not so human either.

Henry took a step back with his hands up as if he was showing a wild animal that he was no harm. Maybe I truly was a dangerous, wild animal. I felt like it.

"Do you want to talk about whatever is going on?" he asked.

I scoffed. I couldn't talk to him fully. If I told him everything, he would say I would defiantly need to be in the hospital. The physic ward maybe.

But maybe talking about it to somebody who doesn't know the whole story and the true danger I was in would help? "I'm sure you don't want to hear about my crazy sob story. It's a real soap opera." I said a little calmer.

"What type? Is it a classic _Romeo & Juliet_? _Pride and Prejudice_?"

"Not technically. Maybe a little of the first but a lot more twisted up." I laughed.

We started walking then. Trust me; I never had any romantic feelings for the human I was walking beside. Maybe once he saw how whacked up my life was, he would rethink his feelings for me. A werewolf and a vampire were weird enough.

Oh, that's right. I forgot that a human fell in love with a vampire. Hard to forget that.

But maybe a human was what I needed. I can go without hunting for a while, and if I did have to hunt, I would sneak out and be back before he would even notice I was missing. We could have human children with one quarter vampire. I would have the whole suburban life style. A house with neighbors at both sides, have a career or be a stay at home mom. My normal husband would sell insurance. He would come home, kiss me and tell me that he missed me. It would be simple as that with no complications.

But my mother's relationship with my father was far from easy when she was human. It still isn't easy even when now she was full vampire.

I'm doomed.

"I want to apologize for last night. It was incredibly wrong and ungentlemen like. I should have never let you walk home." Henry said, attempting again to take my hand but I kept them stuffed in my short blue jean skirt.

"Believe me, I was perfectly safe." From any human doing harm. A vampire is another story.

"But haven't you heard about the three recent murders? I can't believe a human would do that. The last two at least."

"Mhm-hmm." I murmured, looking off into another direction. I wanted to say that it wasn't a human that did any of those but I kept my mouth shut.

"Henry, my apartment was only a few blocks away from where we were at. I'm tough. I'm stronger than you think I am." I said with a sly smile.

"I've only known you for a few weeks and I think you've surprised me enough already."

What Henry said sparked my curiosity. Haven't I been careful? Does he suspect that something was off with me in a non human way? Are my chances of leaving London on the next flight I could get greater? Does he know what I really am?

"How have I surprised you?" I asked. I had to control the urge to project my thoughts to hum. It was driving me crazy.

"It's just…you seem like you've had something bothering you. I know you're special." Oh I've had a lot bothering me.

"I guess you picked up on the fake smile."

"With your beauty, it was only more attractive."

I had to tell him I wanted to just be friends. That every time I'm in a relationship with someone, they get hurt. And everyone around me does too.

"Thanks?" That didn't come out as "Oh I think you're great and all but I only want to be friends."

"So. Did you have a horrible childhood or something?" Henry asked as we sat down on a park bench.

"No. I actually had a perfect childhood." Only despite the fact that I don't look or act my age. I've had vampires after me since I was born. "I've had a wonderful family that spoiled me rotten." I laughed.

"And?"

"I've had amazing friends…" I trailed not sure where this conversation was going.

"But you're not happy." It didn't come out like a question. It was more like Henry guessed how I was really feeling. I wasn't happy. I don't think I would ever be.

"I don't think any place would make me happy." I mumbled, looking down.

"Why?"

Okay. Here goes nothing.

"Did I ever tell you that I was once engaged?" I asked, giving a half-hearted laugh.

"What happen?"

"Love triangle." I simply answered.

"Ah, one of those I see. Why did you say _once_?"

I took a deep breath. "Jake was my best friend. He was there when I needed him. Then we both realized that we had feelings for each other and we got together. He was madly in love with me and I was pretty crazy about him." I told. Henry didn't say anything so I continued.

"Then Kaleb cam along professing his love to me. I told him I didn't feel the same way. Jake and I got engaged and then I kissed Kaleb." I said as I remembered everything.

I tried to close my eyes to cover the moisture that was covering them. "I think I've had feelings towards Kaleb even before we kissed but that was when I started admitting it to myself."

"So how is this a love triangle if you loved somebody else? You can love more than one than one person." he said.

"That's the thing, though. I love them both very much." I answered as I twirled a ringlet curl around my finger.

"So how did you go from engaged to not engaged?"

"I sort of started to cheat on Jacob as you would say. I never realized how connected I was to both of them until that. I didn't want them fighting. So on the day Jacob and I were suppose to get married I said awful things to him and shoved the ring in his hand. Now here we are." I said lightly.

"Does this Jacob now about your feelings to the other one?"

I nodded.

"What does the other guy think about it?" I laughed when Henry said "the other guy," because that's all Kaleb was. Another guy.

"He wants me to choose him."

"And Jacob?"

"Jake's beyond heartbroken; but I know he'll do and take anything to make me happy." I answered, picking at the hem of my skirt.

"How about if a handsome English man confronted them?" Henry joked with a little tint of pride in his voice.

I laughed again. One human against two extremely tall and strong men that looked like they took steroids? It would be an easy fight. For the werewolves.

"You would be the one getting hurt." I smirked a little.

"I'm stronger than I look." Henry defended.

I am too.

"No, you don't understand. Kaleb and Jake are _extremely _strong." I said.

"How strong?"

Oh, you would like to know. Now how do I put this without giving away too much?

"Let's just say Jake's seven foot even while Kaleb is five inches shorter. You wouldn't last."

"_I bet I could." _he thought. _"She's probably bluffing."_

"So…you ended up in London because you didn't want two tall, grown men fight over you, am I correct?"

"Sorta. Jacob and Kaleb are close. (I couldn't say that they were pack brothers.) I don't want to ruin it even more." Because there was nothing left to ruin. Jacob hates Kaleb. And me. And Kaleb thinks I am going to choose him.

"Jacob would let you go that easily? It doesn't sound like he loves you as much as you say he does." Henry said. He was still trying to picture himself sizing up to Kaleb and Jake.

"He does love me! Jacob would do anything to make me happy! Even if it mean he had to sit back envious while the love of his life is off with another man! You don't know him like I do! Due to my stupidness, I've hurt him! And now he takes it out on everybody!" I yelled as a tear escaped my eyes. I stood up and whirled around, forcing down a snarl.

"I'm sorry," Henry said. "I just meant that I would do what your friend Kaleb is doing." he stood up and walked toward me. I took a step back.

"Or you can forget about them both and stay here with me." he said, reaching towards me.

I shook my head no. "I can't." I whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I don't plan on staying here that long. Like I said: no place is going to make me happy."

I never realized how hard it was to act human until now. Yeah, I've always had human boys drool over me, and girls secretly hate me for taking all the guys attention off of them, my natural beauty, and the men I always had around. But I was so use to using my strength and speed whenever I wanted to, too. To use my projection. It's so hard to speak about all of this and explain my feelings when I could easily show how I feel. Now I know why my family would sometimes make me speak my feelings instead of simply showing them how I felt.

"I could make you happy." Henry said, attempting to use a seductive voice.

I knew I didn't love him. My heartbeat didn't quicken when he was near. My breathing didn't hitch up when he would try and touch me. He didn't make me so mad at him then realize I couldn't live without him. I only saw him as a friend. And if he didn't stop this right this instant, I wouldn't even want that.

"Henry." I warned as I took another step back.

"You can-"

"I know I can love one person at a time. That I don't have to settle down with one of them. Believe me, I know." I snapped.

The urge to snap his neck and quench my thirst was worse how now that his sweet human breath was right in my face. It was only followed by the nauseating feeling I've grown use to.

No. Even if he didn't get the hint I've been flashing like a neon sign, he didn't deserve to die. And I didn't deserve to hide behind a tree and puke whatever else was in my stomach. (Which was nothing.) I've built up the respect to have amazing self control. I can handle this.

Before I knew it, Henry's lips were on mine. Since I was stronger, I pushed him away and punched him right in the sweet spot.

He fell against the bench, knocked out cold.

I gasped at what I done. Maybe I _am_ stronger than I seem. He should have taken my word.

I checked to make sure I didn't kill him. Call me paranoid if you want too. I don't really know my own strength.

After I came to the realization that I only knocked Henry out, I breathed I sigh of relief. Even if he did deserve the punch I couldn't bare the thought of killing a human.

I checked around to see if anyone was around that witnessed any of it. No one. Perfect.

Should I leave him here and just walk away? It won't raise any suspicion, will it? What if he wakes up and has amnesia? I feel really great about that!

Or maybe it might just be best to drop him off at the hospital. He might have brain damage due to blunt force trauma.

Despite everything. I had to think like my family would. I was a Cullen after all. We were the good vampires.

Okay. My family would take Henry to the hospital to make sure he _was _okay. Then the first chance they would get they would sneak out and get the next plane out of here. They would leave even if there wasn't anybody around. They would obey the law.

But my family didn't make a mess out of their lives. They still have one. I'm just the one that dragged them into it.

I picked up Henry and took the back way to the hospital. My next step was to figure out how I can get him _in_ the hospital. I could drag him in, pretending I couldn't hold his weight up any longer, and say that he fell and hit his head. Nobody would believe him if he woke up and said that a beautiful woman cocked him right in the face and that was all he remembered.

I let my guard down and thought on the one name I swore I would never think of. _Jacob._ I wished he was here. He would know what to do. Or say just to throw him in the hospital and run. He shouldn't have been the one who put his lips on mine in the first place.

That was my Jacob for you…

Or he was my Jacob. Now he was just the name he has been before I gave that to him.

I took a deep breath and entered the hospital door, pretending I was struggling to hold up the human's weight when I could actually hold it up for weeks.

Now I just need to come up with a quick cover story. Did I mention it has to be QUICK!

"Um…could somebody help me?" I asked in a flawless British voice.

"Miss, what happen?" a nurse asked, rushing over to see Henry's slack body.

"Me and my boyfriend were walking home when he tripped and hit something hard." I lied smoothly. What? It was the best I could come up with. At least I didn't leave him at the exact spot where he "fell."

The hospital staff took over for me then.

I pretend to be the worried, anxious "girlfriend" but I realized the longer I stayed here, the more danger I was in. I am already in enough danger as it is.

I quietly snuck out. I really had no clue what I was going to come next but I knew I wasn't not going to stick around to see.

_~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~_

I packed quickly-well slowly to be truthful-trying to figure out where was my next destination. Do I go to Spain and stay at Eleazar and Carmen's vacation home? No. Too many bittersweet memories. Do I chance it and go to Italy? Um…no. I'd rather not.

I could head to Egypt. I'm sure Anum would "love" to see my charming face. Maybe I could visit the Irish coven? Or maybe the Amazons. I haven't seen Zafrina since the Volturi Gala. Or maybe I could visit the Denalis again.

Or maybe La-

No. I can't break Jake's heart one time, show up, and then break it all over again when I leave. But I wanted to go back. It was where I belonged, and don't they say home is where the heart is?

Okay. Wrong saying.

How about I woman up and just call my family while I was at it! Yeah. That'd simplify my life a little bit more.

I threw my clothes down on the bed. I give up! Why can't my life be simple?!

I decided I should go hunting. The moon was full so why not enjoy one last night here.

I sped down the streets, keeping away from anybody who would see me.

I stopped short when I smelt a familiar scent.

I saw him in the dark shadows of an alley. He stayed there, knowing I was looking at him. He growled, but I picked up my chin in a determined looked. I was not leaving.

"Allistar." I whispered. I've only seen him once-and that was just at a glimpse. He was a leery witness that vowed not to fight against the Volturi. He left before the conformation between us and them.

He whirled around, only to look at me for a slight glimpse. He wasn't scared to see me like I imagined him to be. We all thought he'd never want anything to do with the Olympic coven or anybody who was close to me.

"Get out of here!" Allistar yelled but it was too late to notice what I saw.

There in front of him was a creature growling, coming straight at us.

They looked like were wolves. I could tell you that; but there front legs were higher than their hind ones, walking in an ape like position. Their scent was all musky and sweaty which smelled horrible to my sensitive noise.

I remembered Grandpa showing me a picture of these mysterious creatures one time. I asked how Jacob and the other wolves differed from what Daddy and the Volturi were talking about. He explained to me that these were Children of the Moon and that the others were shape-shifters. They were a vampire's true natural enemy. They were brutal and ruthless in their killings. Something the wolves I knew would do unless a threat was brought upon their people.

Caius was almost killed by one, so he got the guard to destroy them to nearly extinction. It is against the law to have _any _interaction with them because they aren't easy to kill. A single one could kill a vampire, while my wolves had to have several of them to destroy just one. Vampires and werewolves were alike in some ways; but when they went into their wolf skin when the moon was full, all human thoughts and memories were gone. My wolves were far more human than that.

Before I knew it, the creature attacked Allistar. After it was finished with him, it would come after me next.

I knew I had to do at least something. Despite Allistar refusing to side with us when it came down to fighting with the Volturi, I had to figure out how to save him.

I ran to the wolf, attempting to use my projection to blind him. I'm no Zafrina but its close.

All of a sudden the two brutal murders I read in the paper came across my mind. It was them! They crave humans as much as a vampire does.

The beast turned its big head to me, snarling. He was confused. He could hear my heartbeat. He could smell the blood flowing through my veins, making its mouth water. But the smell of a vampire through it off.

I was frozen in fear. I shouldn't be. I'm not scared when it comes to the pack. Sometimes.

But they could kill me. Well, the pack could too but that would mean Jake would kill them for harming an imprint.

There was no way I would win if I went up against a creature I didn't even know lived in this area.

I'm screwed big time!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Nessie's point of view

"Kid! Leave!" I heard Allistar shout. Or what was left of him.

The mutt heard Allistar and went back to destroying him, leaving me a chance to run and or be brave and save the day. Or just make things worse.

It was kind of weird how the vampires and the Children of the Moon were so close alike but also natural enemies. They both have the same hunt. Blood.

I'm screwed way beyond belief.

After taking care of the now destroyed Allistar, the were-mutt stalked over to where I was.

I'm dead.

I had no clue on what to do as fear made me freeze. I started to project my thoughts but it only seemed to make things worse. I wished I had my family with me! I wished I had my nice, half human, only phase when they please or when their angry or upset, stubborn, immature, only wearing a shirt when public, wolves with me. Both would know what to do. I hope.

It lunged but I quickly got out of the way. It took its big paw and smacked me into the wall. It then got on top of me, bearing all teeth. I couldn't move the upper half of my body but I could my legs. I moved so I could kick it in its big head.

I'm going to die, its going to bring me back to life, then its going to kill me again! I really know when to pick my battles.

"Hey!" I heard someone whisper. I noticed a dark shadow on the top of a building. Vampire.

I'll take anything I can get right now. I've faced death so many times that I'll laugh in its face. I just wasn't prepared now.

"Jump up here!" He shouted.

I had three choices. Trust someone else that could kill me. Die because of some mutt with a horrible smell. Kill it. What to choose? What to choose?

I debated over what I should do. I had no clue how to kill these creatures. Grandpa said that they were very hard to kill. Or do I jump to where the mysterious vampire was and risk it with the Volturi?

Right now, I'd say risk it.

I projected one last thought to keep it distracted and took off, running to meet the vampire.

I jumped onto the top of the building, bracing myself for another fight. "Can he get up here?" I asked starring at the werewolf who looked dumbfounded.

"Maybe; but it's going daylight soon. You shouldn't have to worry about it. It'll be walking around like a confused human in a few hours, wondering how did it let a beautiful woman out of its sights." the dirty blonde vampire said with a huge grin. Am I really that beautiful to have men just fall all over me? Literally.

I noticed the blond vampire was lanky but buff. His hair was at least chin length, being tied back. His burgundy red eyes had an easy going look to them. He reminded me of uncle Emmett.

I searched his thoughts. His name was Alexander. He was changed by his two other brothers around the time of my birth. He was curious about who and what I was.

"Thank you." I breathed.

"Anytime; but I am curious about what you are. You smell like a vampire but you have a heartbeat. I can see the blood running through you. What in the world are you?" The Alexander vampire that saved my life asked.

"I am a human-vampire hybrid." I answered.

"Interesting. We've never heard of anything like you. I'm sure my brothers would love to hear that story." Alexander said. "Oh, by the way, what's your name?"

"Renesmee Cullen. I'm from the Olympic coven." I answered again, waiting for the beast that tried to kill me magically reappear.

"A Cullen? I've heard of your clan. I'm Alexander." he stuck out his hand to shake and I did.

"Now we need to get out of here. I'm sure Ian will love to hear your story. I know I'd love to." he smirked.

I didn't know if I should tell this vampire my story. It would be nice to be able to use my gifts, and he said he's heard of my family. So curiosity got the best of me.

I followed him to a small little bungalow set off into the woods.

I hesitated. Should I go in? What if they killed me? What would my family do? What would they say? What would Jake or Kaleb do?

I could hear Jake's voice clear in my mind right now. _No! Absolutely not!_ _They could kill you! You see their eyes? Red! You're not going in there!_

But I would not listen to him. I would walk in thinking he was just paranoid and stupid. He would wrap his arm around my waist and squeeze as if by doing that he would be one. Eventually when we left I would either say I told you so or I had to admit he was right.

My heart twisted at the thought. I knew we were still connected. Abby was right. He felt what I felt and vice versa. No matter how bad I tried to cut and ignore it, it was there like a steel cable. Just right now it felt stretch and wondered how far I would have to go until it broke.

I had to make a decision.

"You must be worried." Alexander said as I hesitated to follow him in.

I was worried. How have they heard of the Cullen clan? What do they know? Does my grandfather know about this coven?

"Maybe." I answered.

"Don't worry. You don't smell human so you're good. At least I hope you don't have any mouth watering smell. It took me two years to be how I am now." Alexander joked with an easy going smile. So he's a mixture of Emmett _and _Jasper. Maybe also a little bit of Garret too.

"Is that suppose to be reassuring?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Stop torturing the girl, Alexander. She's probably scared. Bring her in." I heard a British voice say from inside the home.

I took a deep breath and then followed Alexander in.

As I walked into the little house I instantly felt like I was in the cottage back home. Everything felt separated from the real world and I could live in peace.

I stayed close to the door, preparing to escape if I sensed any danger from these two vampires.

"We don't mean any harm." the man that looked like an older version of Alexander told me.

"She's part human part vampire. She says she's from the Cullen clan?" Alexander whispered above the man's ear, assuming I could hear him. I could do that and then some.

The older version of Alexander nodded slightly, his face curious. He's heard of us. I guess word gets around quick that the golden eyed coven gathered up several vampires to stand up to the Volturi.

I wondered how many vampires would stand with us when the time came for the Volturi to get revenge for them running. Would they see that we are a family that sticks together because we love each other. That we stand together not because of power? Right now I am not even standing with my family so I don't have room to talk.

"Alexander says you part vampire." the vampire said with a smile.

"Yeah." I said meekly. "I guess I am."

"Go get Finn." the head vampire told Alexander. He left and I was alone.

"Before we get interested in your story, what is your name?"

"Renesmee."

"Rennezee?"

"It's pronounced Ruh-nez-may," I laughed. My name was so complicated even a full vampire couldn't say it, "but you can call me Nessie. Everybody else does."

The vampire smiled. "I'm Ian and you've met Alexander, and Finn is off somewhere." Ian said.

"How did my younger brother run into you?" he later asked as he motioned for me to sit.

"I had a run in with the Children of the Moon." I answered. Ian growled. He was thinking about relocating him and his brothers as more and more werewolves came close to London.

"I'm sure you're wondering why we know your last name." Ian said. I nodded.

"Yes. Word travels fast around the vampire world." I said, giving a weak laugh as I sat down on the edge of a very cushioned chair.

"Indeed it does." Ian laughed. He noticed my tense posture and scooted away from the chair as he could get. "You still don't trust us?"

I shook my head yes, looking down.

"We won't cause you any harm, I promise you. We're simply curious about your history. If you're still scared, you can leave. If you're curious about me any my brothers, don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you like. We simply cannot resist a beautiful creature like you." Ian joked, smiling. "And we don't want to face your coven. Or any other your other _friends_."

Alexander bounded into the room followed by a vampire who didn't share neither one of his brother's kind expressions.

This male vampire didn't look like Ian and Alexander. He had brown hair with natural blond highlights that was cut to the nape of his neck. He was slim but you could also tell that he worked out well in his human life. He was probably the same height as me; but he had a permanent cold look on his face. The minute he walked into the house, he had an uncomfortable look on his face as if he wanted to bolt and run.

"I'm ready." Alexander said. "I want to learn more about this mysterious stray I've picked up." I didn't know if I should take being called a stray a compliment.

I took a deep breath and focused all my attention and energy on Alexander, since he was the one who wanted to hear my story first. Just I wasn't going to tell it verbally.

I started with my parents story first, since that's where it all began. Alexander seemed lost in my projections. His face was blank and his eyes were slightly unfocused. I heard a growl from across the room and then felt myself crash into a wall. My shoulder hit the brick painfully and I cried out.

"What did you do to my brother?!" I heard Finn shout. Alexander's face was back to normal and only just looked at me.

"That's my talent." I said, choking back tears.

"By blinding people?" Ian asked.

"By showing me her story." Alexander said with awe. He smiled at me. "Is that all? I was just getting to the good part."

"No, there's more." I answered. I got up and settled back into my chair. "I have a gift for projecting my thoughts. Their extremely vivid and a person can be lost in them. I can also read minds, but I think its just a branch off of that."

When no one else spoke, I continued on with showing Alexander where I left off. I showed them my birth-which I was kind of afraid to do. When I did that Alexander had a look of hunger across his face. I quickly skimmed over that part. I showed the rest that had happen in the past three years. I even showed them about Jacob and the imprinting.

After I finished up, I breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to use my gifts. It felt good to not put on a show on how much of a freak and monster I truly am.

"That was…vivid." Alexander said with more awe than he was before Finn pushed me.

"_I know."_ I showed him.

Next up it was Ian's turn. I showed him the same thing.

"So you have a lot of qualities of a human and a vampire. You have the mental qualities of a vampire, along with most physical, but you sleep and eat human food just like a human." Ian said astonished. "Alexander, if you would have controlled yourself better, we would know all about this." he added, smacking Alex upside the head.

I was about to project to Finn when he all of a sudden let out a mincing growl and went into a defensive crouch as if he were trying to kill me.

"Ian! Are you crazy! She was wanted by the Italian coven! She could cause trouble for us! She was the one who were with the mutts! They said the Olympic coven was no good! We're better off just killing her!" Finn snarled. I think this was the time Jacob would say "I told you so."

"Her story is amazing though. I've never seen somebody bounce through what's she's been through."

"Yeah but she looks like _her! _You know what I said. Get rid of her!"

"Finn, just listen. Her projection is one of a kind. It makes you feel as if your there. You actually feel what the memory was." Alexander pleaded.

How do I look like _her!_ Who was Finn talking about?

"I know with my being a threat to the Volturi might bring danger to your coven. Believe me, I've already almost everybody through the mud with my screw ups. I don't want to bring harm to any of you. Alexander was only trying to help me. If he didn't I would be dead right now. I have a family I have to protect too. If you don't want to see, that's your choice." I told Finn.

"It doesn't matter." he scowled.

I've only been scared of a few vampires in my life. Finn's on my list now.

He plopped down on the couch in front of me, sending death glares in my direction. I was uncomfortable the whole time. When Alexander or Ian would ask me a question, I would project my answer. I was afraid my voice would let them know I was afraid of their brother growling at me. By Finn's thoughts, he only had several reasons to hate me. I looked like some mystery girl he kept hidden and because he just hated me. I made him uncomfortable.

"So your mate's a wolf?" Alexander asked.

I didn't know what to say. Could I consider Jacob my mate? Even though I broke up with him?

"Yes." I answered.

"Your _mate_ is a werewolf!" Finn shouted. He grabbed me by the neck and slung me against the wall as if I was a rag doll, not part vampire. He looked like her was straining to do something but couldn't. "YOU'RE A MONSTER! YOU'R LYING TO US! YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT DEATH! YOU KILLED HER! YOUR HALF BREED KIND KILLED MY KATHERINE!"

I can see why he was so strong. I could smell the human blood on his breath. It made me sick. I was scared when I shouldn't be. Jasper taught me better than this and I was backing out.

"_H-he's a shape-shifter. He changes into a wolf when he wants to or when he's angry or upset. He's the Chief of the Quileute tribe in La Push, Washington. He's the Alpha of-of a wolf pack. He-he's different." _I showed Finn.

"It doesn't matter! Your stupid half breed kind killed the love of my life!" Finn shouted, his hands crushing my esophagus.

I tried to push him off of me but couldn't. Eventually I found the strength to fight him off. Finn had no right to do this to me!

But Jacob did.

I kicked Finn's legs out from under him and slung him away from me. He flew, bringing along Alexander and Ian, who was trying to get the vampire off of me.

I think it was pretty obvious that despite Finn's size he was the strongest out of the three of them.

Ian was having trouble with holding Finn down while Alexander helped me off the ground. I held my breath because it hurt to breathe. My throat ached.

"Alex! Get her out of here quick!" Ian ordered.

"How fast can you go?" Alexander asked, dragging me out of the house as quick as he could. I was thankful for that.

"_Fast_." I answered. We took off then.

The sun was just now coming up. Alexander's skin sparkled like tiny little diamonds as my skin lightly glowed.

"Whoa! I would have never imagined you to do at least something in the sun." Alex said as we never broke stride. "And you're faster than me!"

I laughed then winced. _"Yeah. Instead of sparkling, I glow. I can still go out in public with the sun out. And my father's the fastest in my coven so I guess I get it from him. My mother's the spider monkey though."_ I joked then flew into the trees.

I speedily jumped from to tree to tree, getting ahead of the vampire who called me a "stray."

"You know, your coven sounds unique. I would like to meet them someday."

I stopped as a new pain shot through me. I talk like I speak to my family every chance I get.

"Yeah." I said in a strangled voice, choking back tears, as I slid to the ground.

"I'm sorry about Finn. He had a horrible past."

"Why does he hate me so much. Does he have something against people you try to help?" I asked.

"He was in love once and it ended badly. I would love to tell you more about my brother's soap opera, but he'd kill me the second time if he found out I told you." Alexander said. "Are you going to come back tomorrow? Do you have a place to stay?"

"I'll probably be leaving the first chance I get." I said, wrapping my arms around myself as if I was cold.

"You can stay with us. I mean, you'll be living with three bachelors, and you'll have to cook because we have no clue how too. Anyway, you're welcome to stay."

I was flattered but I didn't want too. Finn scared.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Your brother hates me as it is; and my diets different than yours."

"Yes, we know your diet is blood and food."

"No. I mean yes, it is that. But I drink animal blood. My family believes that we can live with humans without killing them." I said.

Alexander shrugged, thinking this through. "If you do leave, you'll come back right?"

I shook my head yes; and honestly, I did want to come back. I did like the British coven.

"Where would you go?"

"I've got friends all over the world. I'll probably visit some of them then…I don't know."

We walked in silence until we got to the edge of town.

"This is as far as I can go. I'll make sure Finn doesn't come after you, Nessie. If you decide to stay, I hope to see you soon. If you don't, I hope you come back soon." Alexander said with a smile.

"I'll you soon." I said as I shared his smile.

I rushed back to my apartment, terrified I'd have a meltdown on the side of the street. I'd definitely be branded as crazy then.

I rushed through the door, tears streaming down my face and shaking all over.

I stumbled to the couch, collapsing onto it. Everything seemed to crash on top of me like weights and I couldn't get up.

My phone blinked on the coffee table, signaling that I either had a voicemail or a message.

I grabbed it with a shaky hand. God, I need to stop shaking. I've been through enough near death experiences. I could handle a run in with a creature that if the Volturi found out about, I'd be dead. I could handle a vampire hating me. Finn wouldn't be the first.

I opened the first voicemail first.

"_Renesmee, no matter what either of us say and do, I love you. No matter what. I'm sorry about the last time I called. It was harsh and wrong. If you're happy with being with Kaleb, I'll be happy for you. But I know you. You're not happy. You're running because you're scared. I know you left because you said you didn't want a fight between us. Choose whatever you want, Nessie. I don't care. I'll be here for you. Call me."_

Why does Jacob have to do this? I'm the bad guy here and he's acting like I did nothing wrong? I did everything wrong! I broke my Jacob's heart. I was with another man when I should have been with him. He hates Kaleb but he doesn't hate me. He should hate me. Jake should tell me that he doesn't want to see my face ever again. He should yell at me those same words I said to him and then worse. I deserve worse. I deserve more than any horrible thing that could ever happen to me.

Onto the next message.

"_Hey, it's Kabe, call me. We need to talk." _By the tone of Kaleb's voice it was dreaded with guilt. It kind of scared me.

I didn't call neither of them back. I didn't want too. Could I trust them enough to believe what they were saying? Or are they just saying this to win me over?

I thought of everything that was happening and about the two wolves who said they loved me. I knew one did when he shouldn't. I have always been horrible to him and he thinks I'm some golden, precious jewel when I was really just a hideous coal. Then the other guy I knew he didn't really _love _me. He loved me. He loved me but he wasn't _in love _with me. I wasn't in love with him. I knew that much at least.

I'm tired of crying over myself. I am tired of being the weak one. I want rest. I want relaxation. But I also wanted stupid and reckless. I wanted crazy. I wanted…to not make anymore mistakes that ruin the ones around me.

I knew I had to leave. There was no way I could stay here any longer. I have had to many dangers in one night than I have had in a week. There was no way I could stay when I hit a human, was almost made out of dog chow, and Finn hated me.

I brought my knees up to my chest. I wasn't just scared. I was terrified.

I wondered why Finn hated me so much. What did I even do to him? What did my kind do to him? He said-well shouted was the right word-that my half breed kind killed his Katherine. That I looked like her.

Ian said I could ask them anything. I wish I thought of these questions then. I probably wouldn't get the answers I needed since Alexander wouldn't even answer.

I wanted to take his offer on staying with them. I had more than enough money to take care of the food. Or I could live off of animal blood. But…I'll be in a room full of bachelor make vampires who hunt human blood. I'll be under the same roof with the one vampire that hates me. Not such a good idea.

I could visit the Amazons. It's time I see Zafrina I missed her and we were real close friends. Just I didn't know where she was at.

Or do I just grow up and go home. Grow up and face the wolf I've hurt. The one that would love me unconditionally even though I didn't deserve it.

I knew my birthday was going to be painful for everybody. If I don't go back and rebuild the bridges I've burned, this will be the first time my family and Jacob wouldn't be with me on my birthday.

Okay. I'll go see Zafrina then I'll visit Nahuel, and _then_ I will go back to La Push and make amends with Jacob. Maybe Kaleb. Or if I chicken out, I'll visit my family first and they'll make me go see them.

I quickly packed my belongings. My family bought this apartment for me so if I decide to come back, I'll have a place to stay.

Now onto hunting down Zafrina…

~~~~~ _Forever Ours ~~~~~_

I rested my head against the air plane seat exhausted. My trip from the apartment to the airport was horrible. I felt sick the whole way there.

I closed my eyes, praying for a dreamless sleep. I needed one of those.

My body was relaxing but my mind wouldn't. I kept thinking how I could find the Amazon coven. I hope that once I would find her scent I would find her coven.

I also thought about my connection with my russet wolf and my silverish black wolf. This was a weird love triangle. No other pack member has had a romantic feelings for me. Only Kaleb. I was marked as Imprint. If I was harmed anyway, Jake would have to kill the wolf that did it.

If I had the opportunity to tell them both how I feel, what would I say? I don't want neither of them to fight over me. I want them to shake hands and men however their friendship was ruined. I can't have them hating each other. I would feel guilty and that would make me run again.

Jacob basically said that if I was happy he would be too. If I had a smile on my face he would smile too. He told me that he loved me. He deserves more than I could give him. He needed more. He needed somebody who would love him whole heartedly. But I was cruel and selfish. I couldn't let him go.

He knew by telling me this he would win. He knew me since the day I was born. He knew what it would take to win.

If only Kaleb was that easy. I wish it was easy to say good-bye.

I knew Jake and Kaleb would argue over who I loved more. They didn't know my heart, and right now neither of them had it. Jacob would fight even when I didn't want him too.

I thought about his last two voicemails. One sounded like he hated me, like he was wanting to die. But on the last one he sounded determined. He sounded like he was prepared to fight. But saying and doing things is two different things. He always said if I left he would follow. He didn't follow. He always said even after I would tell him to stay he would follow me. I told him to stay and he did. He gave me what I wanted.

Men are so confusing. Grandma was right when she said men love to compete.

I started to wonder about Romeo and Paris' fight before they all declared their fate. Romeo was wanting to fight for his true love even though she thought she was dead. I wonder why though Paris fought Romeo? Did he hate Romeo as much as the Capulets did? Did he just want a good fight? Was it because Juliet was young and pretty and Romeo had her and Paris didn't?

I tried to picture myself in Juliet's shoes. My parents are making me marry…who would Paris be? I guess since this is my dream version it could be Kaleb.

I meet Jacob and we instantly fall in love together. We know deep down that we were meant for each other. Sounds like us, huh? My mother and father demand that I marry Kaleb but I'd say I would rather die than marry him. I drink poison to make me appear dead. My love has gotten word that I have died and he's devastated. He would rather die himself than be without me. I wake up to find my Jacob cold and lifeless. I'm heartbroken that he chose to take his life. I choose to not live without him. Turns out William Shakespeare's story and ours is almost exactly the same.

I then put Juliet in my shoes. She has grown up with Romeo as her best friend her whole life. All of a sudden they kiss and then BOOM, their in love. They have a pretty fast track relationship, but Juliet starts to have doubts. She's stressed because she's tired of doing what her family wants to do. She then becomes in danger and then is faced with the decision to either live with her Romeo or die.

Then Paris comes into the picture and Romeo thinks Juliet would leave him for Paris. Despite Juliet's attempts that she would never leave Romeo, he still chose not to believer her, causing a lot more strain on their relationship.

Romeo and Juliet's relationship become's more strained as danger, secrets, and Mercutio professing his love for someone he can't have, tries to rip them apart.

Then all of a sudden Juliet know something terrible has happen to her Romeo. He is near death and Juliet tries everything to save him. She does but then admits her true feelings to Mercutio. The thing is Romeo doesn't know about all of this until he orders his friend to tell him all.

Juliet decides to leave. She didn't want the two men to destroy their friendship. Plus she's now admitting that she is a lot like her father and she doesn't want any harm done to her Romeo. And that she's scared and trying to figure out…well, everything.

I wonder if Juliet could really handle being put in my shoes. At least my story isn't like hers. Yet.

I tried to get more comfortable but was unsuccessful. My brain kept running. I felt like it was running a marathon over and over.

I wonder who would win? Juliet? Romeo? Paris? Mercutio? The Capulets? The Montegues? No one?


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Kaleb's point of view

As the day went by I waited for Nessie to call me. But she never did. I would f\pace the floors of my house, pace the beach, run in wolf form whenever Jake wasn't. She still never called me.

Now I'm just walking on the edge of the cliff we mostly jump off of whenever we go cliff diving. We haven't had that much fun in a while; and I didn't have any other place to go.

Except to go and make amends with my brother.

I wanted Nessie to call me back right away. I have no clue what to tell her. Just I needed to get where she was staying so I _could _talk to her. I had the main topic to talk about. Her and I…and Jacob.

I wondered why Jake hasn't went after her yet. He knows where she's at. Well, sort of. He feels that she's far away from him. He knows, just not the location.

Maybe I might be able to find Nessie. I can talk to her. Jake can get his answers. It is a win, win situation.

Was Jacob right? Would Nessie love me? Would she choose me?

I plopped down on the ground. Did I love Nessie more than Jacob? Hah! I can tell you that now. No. I wouldn't last.

Maybe that's why I want to talk to her? Maybe it's because I know that I'll loose; and I never liked the fact of loosing.

I punched a near by tree, doing more damage to the tree than my arm. I wanted to be friends with Nessie because she wasn't mine to have. I wanted to say screw Jacob! Nesssie was _mine_. If she wanted. Maybe.

I've learned from Jake's mistakes that if you tell Nessie to do something, you can count on her not to do it. In fact, she'll do the total opposite of what we expect. So does that mean I'll loose?

I've never regretted phasing into a wolf. It's the best thing that could happen to me! The speed, the cool hearing, the intense eye sight, the feeling of being free. It is the coolest thing ever!

Until now. Now I feel like I'm betraying my brothers, my sisters, my Alpha, our ancestors, everybody who's wrapped up into this. And I hate the feeling of betrayal and guilt settling into the bottom of my stomach. It feels like I have a good angel on the left of me that is telling me what good I could do, and I have I demon on the other side telling me to do the complete opposite. It's driving me to insanity!

I started to strip off my shorts. I felt the heat flash through my body, turning my two legs into four. I could sense Jacob's mind but he never phased back into man. I guess the pain is easier when you're wolf. When you're something or somebody else, you don't have to think about all the troubles your other life has set up for you. When you're wolf, you can run and get away from them.

I hated this guilt ridden feeling of doing this. Or wanting something that isn't mine. Of taking away an imprint from my brother.

"_Good. You have a conscious. I was worried I was going to have to kill you if you kept going." _Jacob said in his wolf form.

I was taken by surprise. Normally he's calling me every name in the book and planning my death. I've been waiting. I even got how I want my funeral conducted.

"_Believe me, I want too."_ he said again in the same tone of voice we've all grown accustomed too. I don't think he knows how to be happy anymore.

I knew the others were in wolf form too but I guess Jake's command scared them. I didn't blame them. I was scared of Jake too.

"_All apart of being Omega, Kaleb."_

"_What happen to the crazed, depressed, heartbroken Jacob we've known?"_ I asked with a cocky attitude. What? While Kyle got the docile attitude from our mother, I got the aggravating, cocky attitude from our father.

We all felt Jacob's knife stab into the heart feeling, making all of us feel it and wincing.

No one commented as we were all recovering from the blow.

I saw Jacob had the guts to call the Cullens. Bella said the last time she's heard from Nessie was their anniversary.

"_Why_? _It's not like to let them to let Nessie go around the world without a call from her."_ Seth asked. Here comes another stabbing pain.

"_Let me finish."_ Jake said in a strangled voice.

I can see why Jake was upset. In another week, it'll make one month since Nessie went from engaged, to cheating imprintee, to single.

"_Don't remind me, Kaleb! I already know that!"_ Jacob snapped, reluctantly remembering July twenty-seventh.

I hate wolf telepathy.

"_Bella said something about Nessie and I and that set her off. She started shouting stuff at them and told them to stay out of her life. Pretty much what she told me except the fact, _(another pain) _that they drove Nessie to Kaleb and away from me."_ Jake said. His thoughts filled in the holes that he left.

"_That was her choice. I had no dealing with it."_ I said in my defense.

"_But when she came to you, you should have told her no!"_ Quil commented.

"_You shouldn't even be feeling the way you do towards her!" _Embry shouted.

"_What did I say about minding your own business?" _Jake said to the two of them in Alpha's voice. He then turned his attention-well focus-to me. _"Embry and Quil are right. Nessie wasn't yours to have. It was her choice and I can't do anything about that. But you should have _never _said yes to her in the first place. Neither of you should have did that."_

"_Why don't you just go ahead and kill me, Jacob, if you hate me so much? You know Nessie is going to choose you like all the other imprints choose. You know where she's at. Either she'll come back or you'll go find her!"_ I blurted.

"_I can't kill you. As much as I want too, I can't."_ Jake simply said.

We were all silent. We were all pondering on our conversations, not bothering to add out two sense into anything. We could all feel the tension between us. The pack's been tense before, just we've never had a civil war between us.

"_I can name one…"_ Seth trailed.

"_I'm guessing Nessie's birth?"_ I said.

"_Yeah." _Jared said. Jake huffed.

I could see that he called Nessie. Again. But this time instead of him begging her to come back. He told her something different. He told her that he would support her. Surprising for him to say that when the love of his life screwed around on him with his Beta.

"_So if by some lucky chance Nessie wants me, you'll support her?" _I asked Jake.

"_I'll have to be whatever she needs me to be. But I've got to hear it coming from her what I need to be. I have to see it from her."_ Jake answered. Is he bipolar? I know the venom would make his brain a little crazy but is he really clinically insane.

"_I'm wondering the same thing."_ Tyler said. Jake growled.

I could still see the hate Jake had towards me. He _still_ wanted to call me every name and he _still_ wanted to kill me. Maybe because Nessie loved me too was why he hasn't yet, but that doesn't mean anything. There I go hiding behind a girl again.

Some things never chance.

"_So do you know where's she's at?" _Sam asked.

"_Yeah. I guess. Bella said she _was _in London but I don't…" _Jake trailed as he went off into ignoring my mind and controlling his anger.

"_But you know she's not there."_ Sam said as if he was finishing Jake's sentence. Another stabbing pain went through Jake. Yeah, he won't be up for much of any conversation if we keep it on the subject of Nessie.

"_I guess."_ Jake mumbled.

"_Why don't you go look for her. Jake, you know she loves you."_ Quil answered with Embry and Seth agreeing.

She loves me too…

As I thought that, I felt another stabbing pain go through Jake. He was thinking of their conversation the day Nessie left. Now guaranteed, we see and feel what went on over more than a thousand times. But each time Jake thought about it, it would bring open a whole new torture for all of us and him.

We saw Nessie's cold hard face as she told Jacob that she was forced to love him. That she never had a choice. We saw that Nessie wanted Jake to stay out of her life.

That brought a new pain for him. A new pain we all knew the only time Jake will say something is when he was giving orders.

We all tried to keep our conversation away from Nessie. Sam and Jared were talking. Seth was wondering about what was up with Abby. Embry was worried about the plane ride he was taking with Karli to UCLA where she was enrolled at this fall. A few new ones were talking about getting together to watch football. Paul and a few others were off today. And Jake only thought of the greenery in front of him. The only one who couldn't do it was me.

I could see where Jake was headed. It was obvious. I think instead of pushing his "addiction" away, he was relapsing.

"_Jake?"_ I asked. I had no clue what to say but I felt like it should be something like _May the best man win_. _I haven't given up yet. Please don't ban me from seeing her._

Or better yet. _I'm sorry._

I could see that Jake saw the things I wanted to say but he didn't bother to bring any of it up. _"Did you ask Bella where the scent changing bloodsucker was?"_ was all I could muster up.

"_She said Alice had a vision of him in South America, somewhere near Brazil but it was hazy."_ he answered flatly.

"_Hazy as in…"_ Sam prompted.

"_Either he was paying a visit to Nahuel or Nessie's going to Brazil."_

"_But isn't he from somewhere over there?" _Quil asked as if he couldn't think of the places in South America. Idiot.

"_Argentina." _Jake answered before I could say anything.

"_Where's that?" _Collin asked.

"_South America!" _Jake snapped before I could say anything else again. _"Didn't you pay attention in geography class?"_

"_No."_

I barked a laugh. Jacob keeps the younger ones at home studying, or anybody else who hasn't received their high school diploma. After that, whatever we did with our education was our choice.

Once younger ones started to phase, Jake would give them time to get control of their anger before sending back to school. Believe me, he got several begs from the kids to let them wait. And when that failed, they would come to me when I was Beta. I felt like I wasn't just raising my little sister but a bunch of other cocky teenage boys.

When Jake finally saw a pattern, he recommended the older ones go back to school. Even he did. With the Cullens help of course. He missed like two years. The rest of us weren't smart enough to bring your homework to your imprint's house so her vampire family would help. No wonder why when he graduated he got top of his class.

I went to a local collage here on the reservation but later dropped out when everything became to much to handle. Now I know why Jacob never went to collage. Between being Chief, Alpha, being there for Nessie, he wouldn't have time to rest

I wanted too see of he would add anything. This was the longest, civilized conversation we've had since Nessie left! Normally he's wanting to kill me, and while I'm under the abuse, I'm hoping Nessie would contact him just so he'll let up.

I felt another gut wrenching pain then another. It felt like a song on replay. I knew he was doing this on purpose!

The pain was so unbearable that we all buckled to the ground-including Jake. I'd rather take physical pain than this!

"_Now you know that I am going through." _Jake breathed in a cold way as the stabbing pain got worse.

"_Jake, man, please…" _Embry begged. _"kill him if you want. We all understand." _he gasped.

Jake huffed then apologized to the others. Just not to me. Once he got to his destination he stopped. This time another painful memory went through accidentally.

"_Sorry. I'll try to keep my emotions in check. There's no need for all of you to go through this with me."_ Jake said. _"Sam, Quil, you think you can keep things in order for a little while."_

"_No problem."_ Sam said.

"_Yeah, go get some sleep. Ten minutes isn't going to do any good." _Quil joked as he thought of Jake attacking him.

"_I wish."_ he muttered then phased back to man.

"_Maybe you need to think about what Jake said, Kaleb."_ Sam said to me.

I huffed. Mr. Beta was right. They were being pulled in both directions. And if Nessie ever came back, they'll be pulled to that direction too.

"_So we're screwed?" _Bronson (newbie) asked_._

"_Pretty much, yeah."_ Jared answered.

"_Hopefully she'll come back."_ Seth said.

"_I hope so too."_ I muttered.

"_But we hope she'll come back for a totally different reason. We miss her but we miss her as family. If you're going to take her away from Jake then we don't want her to come back."_

"_She's not Jake's anymore-"_

"_Yes she is! Renesmee is still Jacob's imprint, and whether you like it or not, they'll eventually get back together! She still loves him more than you! When Abby was talking to Nessie, she never mentioned _you_."_ Seth growled; and we were all shocked. Seth's the go with the flow type of guy. Lately he hasn't been. I guess all this is taking a toll on his relationship with Abby."

"_You think!_ _She's wanting to do what Nessie did! They only difference is that she wants to take a "break."_

We went silent. Wait. Nessie never mentioned me?

"_Yes! You weren't the center of her world." _Seth growled at me again.

"_That's enough, Seth." _Sam ordered.

"_You know wat, kid, if you're so angry at me then do something about it."_ I snapped, baring my teeth.

"_I said enough!"_

I saw Seth change his direction to me and I stopped to be prepared. Pretty soon, I felt a hard body clash against mine. We were snapping at each other, using out paws to do more damage. We heard a wolf howl but neither of us stopped.

We felt Jake's mind pop up and rush into our direction. _"I thought you could handle it?"_

"_They obliviously didn't listen."_

That was all back ground noise as Seth and I kept fighting.

"_SETH! KALEB! STOP. NOW."_ Jake commanded, making his Alpha voice feel like it was vibrating.

I dropped Seth's neck from my mouth and he let go of my ear as we faced a snarling, gigantic, russet wolf.

"_Jake, he-he-"_ Seth stammer while I said nothing.

"_Neither of you should have said anything."_

"_I never thought he would have attacked! I mean…it's Seth! He's never did anything like that."_ I put up in my defense.

"_I grew up! What happen to you?" _Seth snapped.

"_Alright, you two. Seth, you shouldn't have attacked. Ignore Kaleb. I do."_ Jake growled furious.

Seth and I buckled to the ground while Alpha reigned over us. We whimpered for him to stop.

"_Sorry."_ I apologized to Seth, feeling the guilt hit me in the bottom of my stomach.

"_Diddo."_ he panted.

We all waited to see if Jake was going to phase or not. He surely needed to sleep; but he never did.

Jacob was in pain but he tried to suck it up for us-well, the others. He could care less about me. I wish I was as strong as Jacob was.

"_Jake, if you hate me so much then why didn't you just let the bloodsucker kill me?"_ I asked.

"_You really want to get under my skin?"_

"_This time no. You've asked Nessie why did she save your butt. So I'm curious. Why did you save mine? Why didn't you let the venom spread through me like you wondered why Nessie let it spread through? Why did sacrifice your life to save mine?"_ I asked. I actually was curious. Why did he just let me die? He would have Nessie.

I wondered if Nessie would cry or cling to my body as she did with Jake. Would she risk he own life to save me? Would she go crazy if she thought I was dead?

"_She would probably want somebody to save you, but if you couldn't be she would have given up." _Jake answered.

"_Then why don't _you_ answer my question?" _I pressed.

Jake huffed then fell silent. At first I thought he wasn't going to give me an answer. _"Because I don't really hate you. We're brothers…"_ Jake trailed, wondering the same thing I did.

"_I'm the leader. Nobody deserves going through a pain like that. Not even you. I don't want to even go through that again."_

"_But wouldn't you do it just to bring Nessie back?" _

That's where I got him. Selfishly he would, but if he knew Nessie was happy wherever she was, he wouldn't choose. But he knew she wasn't happy. So instead of giving us more to gossip about, he shut us out and phased back to human.

"_Nice going."_ Embry told me.

"_You know we have linked minds."_ I said in a defensive tone of voice.

"_Wrong." _Seth said. _"We kept your secret. It was both physically and mentally exhausting."_

"_But it wasn't what you're secret to share."_

"_But you should have told Jacob about Nessie instead of Kyle, Kaleb. You _and _Nessie should have told Jacob."_ Sam chimed in.

Of course! My baby brother gets the spotlight!

"_What beef do you have with him, bro?" _Brady asked.

"_None of your business. So what if I wanted to keep it a secret! It's my choice." _Isnapped.

"_There's the Kaleb we know and hate." _Jared said with a eye rolling tone of voice.

"_If you hate me so much then do something about it!"_ I yelled angrily.

These idiots gossip more than women do!

"_Kaleb! Enough!"_

"_Whatever, Sam. Go pretend to be Alpha and leave me alone!"_ I hissed.

He growled.

I phased back to human. I was tired of their criticism. I was tired of them looking at me like I was the only one who was in this. Nessie was in this too. She should have ignored me. It's not like she has before.

I can't catch a break! Why does Kyle have to be so perfect?! He's a hypocrite! He was the one who was closet to our father and now he hates him!

I jerked my shorts on and sprinted to my car. I have to get out of this reservation where falling in love with the wrong person _is_ wrong!

While I was running up to my house, I saw my brother's Ford Explorer sitting right in front of my porch. Speak of the Devil.

"What are you doing here?" I snarled. The sight of him sickened me. He was so freaking "perfect." He's going to a university with a girl that drags him around by the color of his shirt!

"Hey, little brother. How's life? How's Leah? How's the little sis doing?" my stupid brother said, mocking my voice. "Oh, everything's doing good. I made the Dean's list in college. Leah and I are getting married. And Kierra misses you."

I gave a gold laugh. "Oh, you're waiting for a congrats? Well don't hold your breath."

"I was hoping you would be my best man. Leah was hoping to get in contact with Nessie. She wants her to be the maid of honor."

I see the hint.

"I haven't spoken to her." I lied smoothly. Kyle's always been able to believe my lies.

"I may be gullible to some things, big brother, but not this time." Kyle said as he got in my face.

"Fine. Yeah, I have spoken with her." I answered.

"Is she choosing you?" Why should he ask? He was the one who ratted me out.

"You were the one who ratted me out!" I yelled.

"Only because of Alpha's command! You should have been man enough to tell him!"

"Well if you want to know so badly, no. Renesmee doesn't love me. She still loves Jacob."

We glared at each other, tremors rolling through our bodies, snarls coming out of our mouths. As much as I wanted to kill him, he was my brother. It was wrong. I couldn't do that to Kierra.

As we tried to calm down, I asked about where Kierra was.

"I dropped her off with Leah at Billy and Sue's. I figured this would become heated and I knew neither of us would want to upset her." Kyle answered. He's right even though I hated to admit it.

We sat down on the porch. Surprisingly, it was sunny.

"Kabe, what do you have against me?" my brother asked, fiddling with his fingers. He does that when he knows he's about to ask a touchy question.

I wanted to tell him but I was tired of fighting. "Another day, please." I begged, plopping down so that I now lied on the porch floor.

He nodded, understanding. Funny how my baby brother is more of a man than I'll ever be.

It was a tense silence, but at least we're not killing each other..

"When are you and Leah getting hitched?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Leah wants it as quick as possible. You think you and Jake can handle being in the same room together?"

I laughed. "I don't know. Jacob and I can't even be in wolf form without of us snapping at each other. Shocking though, he actually was calm today. Well, not killing me or shouting at me, using every name in the book.

Kyle laughed too. "I miss out on a lot when I quit phasing."

"Why did you stop?"

"Leah asked me too."

"Why?"

Kyle was hesitant. "She thinks if she stops she might get pregnant." Kyle mumbled and I busted out laughing. I fell off the porch with tears in my eyes and my sides aching.

"I know; but I can't deny her of it. It's something she's wanted." I didn't bother saying anything. He sounds like Jake.

"Of a family?" I asked.

"Of being happy." with that, I fell silent.

"You wanna see Kierra?" Kyle asked, giving me a hand up even though I didn't need it.

I knew I was still hating Kyle. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach along with the guilt. But I was tired of fighting today.

_~~~~~ Forever Ours ~~~~~_

"Kaleb!" My little sister shouted as I hopped out of Kyle's vehicle.

I wrapped her in my arms tightly. I knew I could have a horrible day but she would make it better.

"I miss you!" she said in my ear.

"I miss you too." I mumbled.

I walked into the door to find Sue and Billy smiling at me slightly, but I was met from a snarl from Leah. She hates me.

"Kaleb, how's Jake? I haven't heard from him in a few days." Billy asked, worried about his son.

Jake tried to avoid Rachel and Billy because he was ashamed on how he destroyed the house. Sort of. Rake promised to rebuild the home and normally they would stop by to see the progress. But the past week, Jake's been avoiding them.

I gave him a look, hoping he would read the answer on my face. Which was not good as the one he hoped for.

"He's probably worse off. What are you doing here anyway?" Leah snapped. Man! If I could kill her! One, I couldn't because then Kyle and I would have to fight till death, and I can't do that to my brother no matter what. Two, I have my little sister in my arms.

"Leah!" Sue scolded, making Kierra jump. I put my hand on her back to sooth her.

"Where's Nessie?" she asked. "I miss her."

"We all do, Kierry. She'll be back soon."

"Does she ask about me?"

I paused. I had to lie to her. "She's been so busy that I haven't had time to talk to her."

Kyle winced, knowing I had to lie to her. It was the only way to tell her.

We all had a tense conversation, Kierra never leaving my arms. I knew I was the enemy. Billy, Sue, and Leah knew Jacob longer. They knew he had to go through heartbreak to finally have a happy ending, only to have heartbreak again.

Maybe that's why Nessie left. We another reason actually. Maybe she didn't want to hurt Jacob anymore. No. That's not a maybe. She's said to me over and over again on how all of this would kill him. It almost has and we're not even in September yet. That's where the real test will begin. Nessie's birthday. It'll be the first time Jake isn't with her on her birthday.

Maybe she left because she didn't want to hurt _me_. It sounds like Nessie. No matter what she says to herself, she's thinking about her loved ones.

Her and Jake have more in common than her and I did. Their both self martyrs. Jake's afraid to drag his pack through the mid with his pain, and Nessie's going to make sure she takes the blunt of everything rather than us. She's to nice to hurt other's feelings.

I wonder if I'm quitting. Does it sound like it? I hate quitting; but that's what I do. I drag a girl around and when it gets too serious, I drop them. Could my relationship with Nessie be serious? Would I leave her like I did the others?


End file.
